During the week of the 20th to 24th April, 2026, BBC Radio 4, immediately after the World At One, at 13:45-14-00 BST, presented a fifteen-minute series on death. The episode of the April 22nd, 2026 was called Lay This Body Down. It is summarised as follows:
As our society becomes more secular, more people feel like they want to do death their own way. That’s leading to a range of new options for disposing of dead bodies.
Now watch this:
Jean and I have opted for human composting after we have died. It is a natural process and details may be found here.
I love the composting idea. We have a tiny tiny community on a dot of land in the middle of 2000 miles of ocean. And even our little community has an area to do this. The trick is to get your descendants to honor your wishes. I am still in shock over a gross violation of these wishes. And I can never call this woman a friend again. I knew her mother, a gentle creature who had to put up with a lot in her life. The least her daughter could have done was to honor this last wish. Instead she ended up autopsied and cremated because her 60 year old daughter was in the midst of too much drama with her boyfriend and couldn’t be bothered. She attended her mother during her last hours, yes. But. And when I talked to the daughter last, I think she really expected me to say I’m so sorry about your mom. I didn’t. I said I’m so sorry to lose her. We both really thought she was a quality person. 😞
I’m sorry Paul. I can see where you might’ve been confused. And I doubt this is going to be any less confusing, but I’ll try.
Our dear friend is actually a young woman whose mother lives in our community now. The young friend’s mother came to live on the island, and we actually gave her shelter while she was getting on her feet. She got on her feet, then she got into a relationship with a man that is fraught with drama. They are both in their early 60s. Anyhow, this woman (our young friend’s mother), invited her own mother to come to the island to live out her elder years in a little apartment below her residence. (Now we’re talking three generations of this family living in proximity.) It is this elder woman who died. The grandmother. I believe she was 84. She had explicitly requested that she would NOT like to be cremated when she died, and that she wanted to be buried in the community tree plot so that a tree would grow from her decomposing body. There is a place for this. Are you with me so far?
In the end, she died at home and her wishes were ignored. She ended up autopsied (something that would have taken a simple doctor’s note to avoid) because the state of Hawaii mandates this, if there is no attending physician, and she did not go to doctors because she was a Christian science woman. (You need permission to die at home here, basically.) There was no note, because her daughter was too involved in her own life drama. Then because apparently the daughter couldn’t handle dealing with the remains, she simply had her cremated. It’s just sad all around, because the deceased was such a sweet person. And there is a doctor in our community right down the street who people call a death Doula. It’s the very thing she does. It would’ve been easy to contact her. But she was not contacted.
I hope I’ve made sense, but if not, just ignore the whole thread! It’s an important consideration. If a person has lived out their days, I think they should have rights and dignity at the time of their death, as much as humanly possible.
Bela, I have read your further reply and it is all perfectly clear now.
I agree with your last sentence completely. Jean and I have a Will that specifies just this form of composting. Either Jean or me will die first and the survivor will be able to direct affairs. And if Jean is too far gone to handle my death then we have neighbours who understand the situation. Fingers crossed!
Absolutely, Paul! Chris and I have a similar directive, and legal documents to back everything up. I’m afraid these women really didn’t have any of that. Take care. 💗
Learning from Dogs 
I love the composting idea. We have a tiny tiny community on a dot of land in the middle of 2000 miles of ocean. And even our little community has an area to do this. The trick is to get your descendants to honor your wishes. I am still in shock over a gross violation of these wishes. And I can never call this woman a friend again. I knew her mother, a gentle creature who had to put up with a lot in her life. The least her daughter could have done was to honor this last wish. Instead she ended up autopsied and cremated because her 60 year old daughter was in the midst of too much drama with her boyfriend and couldn’t be bothered. She attended her mother during her last hours, yes. But. And when I talked to the daughter last, I think she really expected me to say I’m so sorry about your mom. I didn’t. I said I’m so sorry to lose her. We both really thought she was a quality person. 😞
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Bela, your reply is much appreciated.
When you write about the woman who died I am confused. Who was this? Maybe I am being stupid and missed an obvious point. If so, help me out.
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I’m sorry Paul. I can see where you might’ve been confused. And I doubt this is going to be any less confusing, but I’ll try.
Our dear friend is actually a young woman whose mother lives in our community now. The young friend’s mother came to live on the island, and we actually gave her shelter while she was getting on her feet. She got on her feet, then she got into a relationship with a man that is fraught with drama. They are both in their early 60s. Anyhow, this woman (our young friend’s mother), invited her own mother to come to the island to live out her elder years in a little apartment below her residence. (Now we’re talking three generations of this family living in proximity.) It is this elder woman who died. The grandmother. I believe she was 84. She had explicitly requested that she would NOT like to be cremated when she died, and that she wanted to be buried in the community tree plot so that a tree would grow from her decomposing body. There is a place for this. Are you with me so far?
In the end, she died at home and her wishes were ignored. She ended up autopsied (something that would have taken a simple doctor’s note to avoid) because the state of Hawaii mandates this, if there is no attending physician, and she did not go to doctors because she was a Christian science woman. (You need permission to die at home here, basically.) There was no note, because her daughter was too involved in her own life drama. Then because apparently the daughter couldn’t handle dealing with the remains, she simply had her cremated. It’s just sad all around, because the deceased was such a sweet person. And there is a doctor in our community right down the street who people call a death Doula. It’s the very thing she does. It would’ve been easy to contact her. But she was not contacted.
I hope I’ve made sense, but if not, just ignore the whole thread! It’s an important consideration. If a person has lived out their days, I think they should have rights and dignity at the time of their death, as much as humanly possible.
LikeLike
Bela, I have read your further reply and it is all perfectly clear now.
I agree with your last sentence completely. Jean and I have a Will that specifies just this form of composting. Either Jean or me will die first and the survivor will be able to direct affairs. And if Jean is too far gone to handle my death then we have neighbours who understand the situation. Fingers crossed!
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Absolutely, Paul! Chris and I have a similar directive, and legal documents to back everything up. I’m afraid these women really didn’t have any of that. Take care. 💗
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Well done, Bela.
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