Giving from the heart; in this case a dog’s heart.
As many readers know we have nine dogs here at home, divided into the ‘kitchen’ group (Paloma, Casey and Ruby) and the ‘bedroom’ group (Pharaoh, Brandy, Cleo, Sweeny, Pedy and Oliver). Inevitably the latter group are closer to us because they share the bulk of the home with Jeannie and me, and sleep in our bedroom. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that the kitchen group are any less affectionate than the bedroom group it’s just that, for me especially, I am able to be emotionally and physically closer to our bedroom group because for most of the hours of each day they are close to me.
Brandy, Cleo and Oliver seem to be incredibly sensitive to Jeannie’s and my feelings. If something makes me cry then one of them will be next to me in seconds. When Jeannie and I hug, Oliver will stand on his rear legs, place his front legs on our bodies above our waists and act as if he is hugging us. Even the mention of the word “out” has Cleo running to the front door.
So many more examples but you get the drift!
Last Friday The Washington Post published a heart-breaking story. It concerned a young man, just 33-years-old, who was dying from a brain hemorrhage. Here’s an extract from that story:
Ryan Thomas Jessen had gone to the hospital for what he thought was a migraine, but it turned out to be a brain hemorrhage, his sister, Michelle Jessen, wrote on Facebook earlier this month.
The hemorrhage, which doctors believe may have been brought on by high blood pressure, would prove fatal.
But before Jessen died, the 33-year-old Californian’s family wanted to let his dog, Mollie, see him one last time.
Michelle Jessen filmed that last visit by Mollie and, as one might expect, the video has been shared right across the world.
Dear Fellow Dog Lover,
Because you signed up on our website and asked to be notified, I’m sending you this special recall alert. If you no longer wish to receive these emails, please click to unsubscribe.
Blue Ridge Beef of Eatonton, Georgia, has announced it is voluntarily recalling 2 of its raw frozen products due to their potential to be contaminated with Salmonella and Listeria bacteria.
To learn which products are affected, please visit the following link:
If you visit that Blue Ridge link you will read the following:
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December 8, 2016 — Blue Ridge Beef of Eatonton, Georgia has announced it is voluntarily recalling two of its frozen products due to their potential to be contaminated with Salmonella and/or Listeria monocytogenes.
What’s Being Recalled?
The affected products are sold in 2 pound chubs and can be identified with the following manufacturing codes:
Lot #mfd ga8516
Beef for dogs
UPC code 8542980011009
Lot #mfd ga81216
Kitten grind
UPC code 854298001016
Where Was It Sold?
The affected products were distributed to retail stores in the following states:
Arizona
Florida
Georgia
North Carolina
South Carolina
Texas
About Salmonella and Listeria
Salmonella and Listeria can affect animals eating the product.
There is a risk to humans from handling contaminated pet products, especially if they have not thoroughly washed their hands after having contact with the products or any surface exposed to these products.
Healthy people infected with Salmonella and/or Listeria should monitor themselves for some or all of the following symptoms:
Nausea
Vomiting
Diarrhea
Bloody disarrhea
Abdominal cramping
Fever
Consumers exhibiting these signs after having contact with this product should contact their healthcare provider. Consumers should also follow the simple handling tips on the package.
What Caused the Recall?
This recall was initiated after the FDA received two complaints associated with these products, including one complaint of two kitten illnesses and one complaint of a puppy death.
Subsequent testing by the FDA of a 2 pound chub of beef for dogs and kitten grind collected at a veterinary office revealed the presence of Salmonella and Listeria monocytogenes.
There is no direct evidence linking these unfortunate instances to contaminated product.
This recall is being made with the knowledge of the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.
What to Do?
Consumers who have purchased the above lots of beef for dogs or kitten grind are urged to stop feeding them and return products to the place of purchase for a full refund.
Or dispose of them immediately. Those with questions can email the company at blueridgebeefga@yahoo.com
U.S. citizens can report complaints about FDA-regulated pet food products by calling the consumer complaint coordinator in your area.
Four household products that could be making you sick.
In yesterday’s post I republished an email sent by fellow author Judi Holdeman warning about some brands of peanut butter in terms of potential harm to our gorgeous dogs. Or to be more precise about the dangers of xylitol that is an ingredient in those named brands.
Today, I am delighted to publish a guest post from Charlotte Meier. Charlotte explained to me that she “Operates Home Safety Hub, a site which provides resources on preventing injury and property loss. Her mission is the same as Home Safety Hub’s, which is to help people keep their homes safe. ” Yes, keeping our homes safe includes keeping our dogs safe.
Here is that guest post.
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Four household products that could be making you sick.
We tend to believe that household products such as cleaners or kitchen utensils are good for us. Keeping your house bacteria-free surely can’t have a negative effect on your well-being, right? Unfortunately, as the world becomes more eco-friendly, studies are now showing that your favorite household products could be damaging both you and the planet.
It is critical that you do the research necessary to identify healthy and eco-friendly products. However, that may be easier said than done. Here are a few common household products that could be harmful to your health or the environment.
Nonstick Cookware
Nonstick cookware (such as pots, pans, and baking dishes) was initially celebrated and sought-after, seeming to make cooking simpler and cleanup easy. However, we now know that the nonstick surface is created using Teflon which releases toxic gasses. When you use this cookware at a high temperature, you are essentially poisoning yourself and placing yourself at risk for organ failure, cancer, and other health concerns.
A few healthy alternatives are cast iron, stainless steel, and ceramic coated cookware. Just be certain you do your research on the proper way to care for each type of cookware. For example, cast iron cannot be washed with soap and should be dried immediately after rinsing to avoid rust.
Air Fresheners
Keeping your home smelling fresh with wall plug-ins or sprays is very common. However, many of these products can have a detrimental impact on your health. Furthermore, aerosols are very bad for the environment.
If you want your home to smell wonderful, there are a number of ways you can do so in an eco-friendly and beneficial way. Scented soy candles can be highly effective as can boiling aromatic spices. Recipes for seasonal home scent blends can be found for essential oil diffusers as well.
Garden Insecticides
If you are using insecticides in your garden or on your landscaping, lawn, or potted plants, you are endangering your health and the well-being of the planet. Insecticides are extraordinarily harmful, affecting the nervous system and respiratory system in humans while carrying toxins to water supplies and culling bee populations.
If you have a pest problem, you need to either seek out a home remedy such as vinegar or purchase a genuinely eco-friendly insect control.
Anti-Bacterial Cleaners
Exposure to bacteria is how our immune systems learn and grow. In order do that, you must embrace bacteria in your home. Anti-bacterial products keep your home sterile, leaving your immune system to drop its guard and increase the likelihood of getting sick. When you clean your home, you certainly want to keep it clean, but you do not want it entirely sterile. Anti-bacterial products may do more harm than good.
If you want an eco-friendly cleaner, try utilizing the app ThinkDirty, which rates the safety of household products in terms of their impact on people and the planet. Seventh Generation is one of the best lines of household goods for those seeking eco-friendly options.
Knowing how to best keep yourself and the planet well can be very difficult. False or misleading advertising can trick you into using unhealthy products and knowing what is truthful is no easy feat. However, with a little time, effort, and research, you can make the right decisions with your household products.
There you are good people; another Friday come and gone.
But I do hope that you found value in what Charlotte wrote about. Indeed, I have no doubt that many of you did.
Let me close by sharing the email that Charlotte sent me a couple of weeks ago.
Hi!
Our homes are our safe havens. In fact, the term “homesick” refers to a longing for the comfort and love that we associate with home when we’re away from it.
But many Americans, today, are homesick in a different way. They (and often their pets as well) are suffering from respiratory illnesses, skin irritations, allergies, and in some cases, even cancer, due to factors found in their homes.
As part of my research for my new site, HomeSafetyHub.org, I’ve been studying ways our homes make us sick and what we can do about them. I’d love to share what I’ve learned with your readers in the form of a guest article.
The article will offer tips and advice on what factors to test for, suggestions for easy, environmentally-friendly DIY repairs to eliminate problems, what products or building materials to avoid, and more.
If you’re interested in receiving a guest article, please let me know. No payment necessary, of course, I’d just love the opportunity to share my original content on a great site.
Hope to hear from you soon!
All the best,
Charlotte
Fellow author Judi Holdeman sent me an email that contained a warning that had been in a recent health newsletter from Jeff Reagan. Here’s the essence of that warning (and my emphasis in parts):
If your dog is anything like my dog, they probably love a good scoop of peanut butter.
As I’m writing this, my pup Ellie is actually snuggled up next to my leg and going to town on her peanut butter filled Kong. She’s in heaven…
But I want to warn you about a NEW problem with dogs and peanut butter.
There’s been a number of reports lately of dogs who are winding up dead because of their beloved peanut butter.
How is this happening?
It has to do with a new ingredient being used in certain peanut butters.
That ingredient is xylitol.
Xylitol is an artificial sweetener that you’ll recognize from things like gum and candy.
And while it’s generally “safe” for humans to eat, it can be deadly for dogs. Just a small amount of it can cause severe liver damage and can even kill your dog.
From my research, I’ve found 5 brands of peanut butter that have recently added xylitol to their ingredients. I’m listing these brands below…
– Go Nuts Co
– Hank’s Protein Plus Peanut Butter
– Krush Nutrition
– Nuts N More
– P28
Now luckily most of these are NOT the most popular brands.
These brands are usually sold at specialty shops or health food stores.
But I still wanted to alert you to this…
Because if your dog is anything like mine, they probably love peanut butter.
So make sure you’re staying away from the brands I listed above.
And double-check the label on your peanut butter to make sure it doesn’t have xylitol in it.
Feel free to forward this email on to your friends or family that have dogs so they are aware of this…
– Jeff Reagan. Editor, Patriot Health Alliance
Please, good people, do share this as far and wide as possible.
We, as in humanity, could be very close to the end!
Now my sub-title could be argued as being a tad provocative and, perhaps, it is. But I wanted to catch your attention and then hope that you stay with me for today’s post.
Jean and I belong to the Humanists & Freethinkers Group of Grants Pass. At last Saturday’s meeting the main item was a talk given by William Kötke: His website is here. Bill, as he was happy to be called, is the author of the books The Final Empire and Garden Planet (the links take you to the respective Amazon pages). Bill also has more details of his first book here.
The essence of Bill’s talk was that when we ‘evolved’ from a life of hunting and gathering to developing the land for agricultural purposes we lost our connection to the planet. For the simple reason that as foragers we depended on always being able to find edible wild plants and fruit, and therefore lived in balance with the land, but when we started to farm we became protective, materialistic and greedy. For having more land, even if one took it by force from another, equated to making more; making more food, using the surplus to buy favours, sell, etc.
Some of the facts that Bill presented in his talk were truly frightening such as soil loss; a topic I highlight in tomorrow’s post.
But for now just settle down and watch this interview of Bill filmed by Woodburn Community Access Television.
Published on Jan 10, 2016
Author and Futurist William H. Kotke shares with Woodburn his years of knowledge and understandings of the Human History and The Current Dilemma all of us face as a species.
Is there a way forward?
Yes, I think so and it’s all to do with communities; more on that in a later post.
Is this anything to do with dogs?
Here’s what the Welcome page of this blog says (in part):
As man’s companion, protector and helper, history suggests that dogs were critically important in man achieving success as a hunter-gatherer. Dogs ‘teaching’ man to be so successful a hunter enabled evolution, some 20,000 years later, to farming, thence the long journey to modern man. But in the last, say 100 years, that farming spirit has become corrupted to the point where we see the planet’s plant and mineral resources as infinite. Mankind is close to the edge of extinction, literally and spiritually.
Dogs know better, much better! Time again for man to learn from dogs!
Taken in the round I don’t think I’m ageing too badly. But there is one aspect of my world that does drive me bonkers from time to time. That is a decline (and that’s putting it politely) in my short-term memory. Everything from forgetting what it was I wanted to say to Jeannie to still being unsure of finding regularly visited places in Grants Pass, our local city. To put that last point into context we moved here to Merlin, some 12 miles from Grants Pass, back in September, 2012.
Turning to the cognitive skills of our wonderful dogs it is clear to me that we can only go so far in understanding how our dogs think and how much of their world is dealing with the present supported by their memories of previous events. (Frankly, in writing the last sentence I realised how even that premise was more of a guess than a known fact.)
A recent study at Eotvos Lorand University in Budapest about the memories of dogs has been widely referred to across many news outlets. So when it appeared on the Care2 site it was a natural to republish it for all you good people.
My doorbell has been broken for a few years, but every time my 9-year-old dog, Leroy, hears one chiming on a TV show, he looks at the front door.
Many pet owners have similar tales to tell about their dogs being able to remember long-ago experiences and events. And now we have proof that this really is possible. A new study found that dogs may have a more complex form of memory than most other nonhuman animals (sorry, elephants).
“Every move you make, every step you take, I’ll be watching you,” Sting once sang, and these lyrics could apply to our dogs, too. They’re not only watching us, but they’re remembering what they’re observing, no matter how trivial it may seem to us.
In the study at Eotvos Lorand University in Budapest, published Nov. 23 in Current Biology, 17 dogs were taught a training method called “Do As I Do.” The dogs would watch their owners perform an action. When the dogs were told, “Do it” and imitated their owners’ action, they were rewarded with a treat.
Next, the owners performed various actions but told the dogs to lie down instead of “Do it.” After a while, the dogs began lying down without being told to do so. The study’s authors noted that this showed the dogs had lost the expectation that they would be given the “Do it” command to imitate their owners.
Finally, the owners performed various actions, and when their dogs would lie down, the owners would wait either a minute or an hour and then give them the “Do it” command.
Some of the actions were unfamiliar to the dogs, such as their owners tapping on an open umbrella. The dogs would be led behind a partition, and a minute to an hour later would be led back to the umbrella and given the “Do it” command.
The dogs were able to remember what their owners had done, and tapped the umbrella with their paws.
“We cannot directly investigate what is in the dog’s mind,” psychologist Claudia Fugazza, an author of the study and owner of a Czechoslovakian Wolfdog who participated, told the Washington Post. “So we have to find behavioral evidence of what they expect or not.”
Remembering events in our lives is known as episodic memory. Until recently, only humans were thought to have this ability, but studies have found evidence that rats, monkeys and birds also have it, and so do dogs.
However, the researchers said the dogs don’t have full-fledged episodic memory, which would give them self awareness. Fugazza told NPR she didn’t think there was a method available to test whether dogs are self aware.
Victoria Templer, a behavioral neuroscientist at Providence College who wasn’t involved in the study, told NPR the results could be useful in helping scientists understand how episodic memory developed in humans and how it’s helped us to survive.
One interesting possibility Templer suggested is that “we evolved the ability to relive the past in order to imagine the future.”
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Of course what would be a marvelous aspect of a dog’s memory is being able to take note and remember where his male human companion left items around the house!
Just before 5 a.m. on Thanksgiving, three people in a quiet San Mateo, Calif., neighborhood woke up to the sound of breaking glass — and their cat, Jackson.
He jumped up on one person and meowed until they woke up, bells on his collar jingling.
At first, everyone thought someone was breaking in. Then, they realized their garage was ablaze.
The fire had just started spreading to the house.
Thanks to Jackson’s alarm, the couple and their roommate escaped outside.
The boyfriend, Chris, tried to quench the flames with a garden hose. But the water stopped and the fire started blazing through the home, up to the attic.
They searched frantically for Jackson, but couldn’t find him.
Then, the fire engines arrived, eight total, as well as ladder trucks and an air support unit.
Firefighters took 40 minutes to extinguish the fire, which had spread to nearby power lines and the side of a neighbor’s house, according to Burlingame Patch.
One rescued Jackson, who was still inside.
A 24-hour emergency vet treated the cat for smoke inhalation, and kept him for observation for at least a day.
Even a local fire chief pegs the Jackson the cat as the hero.
“In my heart, I believe that cat was trying to alert its owners that something wasn’t right,” San Mateo fire Battalion Chief Joe Novelli tells The Mercury News.
No humans were injured. But the blaze displaced them with little more than their lives.
The fire caused $475,000 in damage, displaced all three residents and gutted their home to ash.
But at least Jackson survived.
“I am happy to report that Jackson the Cat is recovering nicely and has been released from the vet—not before a hefty bill though, I’m afraid,” Shenea Strader, who started a GoFundMe page for the three to get back on their feet, told me.
Photo credit: Thinkstock
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We can never have too many good news stories!
But we should also not forget that this family down in California have one hell of a rebuild hill to climb. So if you can spare a few pennies for the rebuild costs then this is the page to go to: https://www.gofundme.com/thanksgivinghousefire/
And when you go there the first thing that will smack you in the face is this photograph.
Losing one’s home to a fire has go to be simply dreadful but big hugs to all and a very special cuddle for Jackson the cat!
A million stars up in the sky
one shines brighter I can’t deny
A love so precious a love so true
a love that comes from me to you
The angels sing when you are near
within your arms I have nothing to fear
You always know just what to say
just talking to you makes my day
I love you honey with all of my heart
together forever and never to part.
Twenty-one things my dog taught me about being a better man.
June 7, 2010 by Olivier Blanchard
We had to put our golden retriever to sleep this weekend, our friend of fifteen years, our family’s faithful guardian and companion, and one of the kindest, most loyal and giving souls I have ever met. True to her breed, Sasha was courageous, tender and selfless until the end.
I was trying to figure out how to give her a worthy send-off here on The BrandBuilder blog, and settled on some of the things she taught me over the years. Or rather, the things I didn’t realize she had taught me until this past week, much of which I spent caring for her, as she could no longer take care of herself. She and I had some long chats, in our own way, and the old girl was much wiser than I gave her credit for.
Are there business lessons in this list? Yes. There are. But all are deeply human lessons at the core. If being human can make a business better, if it can fuel its soul (or even simply give it one), then yes, let these be business lessons. But don’t ever forget that what makes a business truly great isn’t technology or design or a fancy logo. Those are expressions of something deeper. Something more visceral and powerful and true. What makes a business great, what makes it special, worthy of a connection, worthy of trust and loyalty, admiration and respect, even love, always starts with a beating heart, not a beeping cash register. (One is the cause, and the other one of many effects. Don’t lose sight of that distinction. Horse before cart: Soul drives love. Love drives business.)
It’s so easy to lose sight of what’s important in our lives. And this isn’t me being overly sentimental because I just lost my dog. I mean, yes, sure, okay… But there’s also something to this: That sentimentality, that emotion, these things that make us connect with other souls is at the heart of EVERYTHING this blog has been about these last few years: Business, design, marketing, social media, communications, corporate responsibility, best practices… No company can ever be great unless it can tap into the very essence of what makes us want to connect with each other, and no executive or business manager or cashier can ever truly be great at their jobs unless they also tap into the very thing that makes genuine human connections possible. If ever there was a secret to successfully building a brand, a lovebrand, the kind that people will fight for and whose mark they will tattoo on their bodies, it is this. The rest is merely execution.
If you only walk away with one bit of wisdom from this post, let it be this: You cannot build a better business unless you first become a better human being. Everything that strips you of your humanity, of your empathy, of your ability to connect with others is bad for business. It’s bad practice. It is doomed to fail in the end.
As my good friend John Warner noted yesterday, “If more people were as loyal and loving as dogs the world would be a better place.” (source) And he’s right. How do you become a better human being then? Well, that’s up to you, but if you had asked Sasha, she might have given you a few pointers of her own. Granted, she was never a Fortune 500 C.M.O. She didn’t design the iPad. She didn’t invent the internet or write a book. She never presented at a conference. All she did was hang out with me and Chico. We went on car rides. She watched me work. She lived the simple life of a dog, uncluttered by Twitter followers and Hubspot rankings and the drive to publish and present case studies. She was a dog, and so her perspective is a little different from what you may be used to. At any rate, here are twenty-one she and I discussed at length last week. I hope they will be as valuable to you as they now are to me.
Twenty-one things my dog taught me about being a better man:
1. Be true to your own nature. There’s no point in faking it. A golden retriever isn’t a chihuahua or a pug or a greyhound, and for good reason. Being comfortable in your own skin is 90% of the trick to rocking out your life. Not everyone is meant to be Rintintin or a seeing-eye dog or an Iditarod racer. It’s okay. Find yourself and embrace your nature. That’s always a great place to start.
2. Be true to the ones you love. Your friends, your family, your tribe, your pack. A life lived for others is a life well-lived. Selfish pursuits aside, ambition often grows hollow when turned inwardly instead of outwardly. It’s one thing to want to be pack leader, but there is just as much value and honor in serving than in leading. When in doubt, see item number one.
3. Never say no to a chance to go on a car ride. When the days grow short, I guarantee you’ll wish you’d have gone on more car rides.
4. Leashes are the enemy. Avoid them at all cost.
5. People are strange. So much potential, yet here they are, doing everything they can to complicate rather than simplify their lives. It’s puzzling.
6. Belly scratches.
7. The end isn’t pretty, but if you can face it with dignity and grace, none of your body’s weaknesses will matter. Your heart, your courage, your spirit is what people will see and remember. This isn’t only applicable in your last days and weeks. It’s applicable every day of your life. Adversity happens. It’s how you deal with it that matters.
8. Forgiveness is easier for dogs than for humans, but humans have opposable thumbs and the ability to speak, so it all balances out in the end.
9. Your bark is your own. No one has one quite like yours. Own it. Love it. Project it.
10. Trust your instincts. They rarely steer you wrong. The feeling in your gut though, that’s probably just something you ate.
11. Just because you’re meant to live on land doesn’t mean you can’t feel at home in water. Play outside the safety zone. Swim in the deep end. Dive in. We’re all designed to do more than the obvious.
12. Play more. The game is irrelevant. Just play. Tip: Exploring is play. Having adventures is play. Finding out what’s behind the next hill is play.
13. Your body growing old doesn’t mean you can’t be a puppy at heart. Actually, the first should have no impact on the latter. If you find that it does, take a step back, regroup, and restart. Always be a puppy at heart.
14. Humans aren’t all bad. But they aren’t all good either. Choose yours wisely.
15. Always keep that 20% wolf in you. If you ever give it up, you’re done. A dog without a little wildness in the blood isn’t a dog. It’s a furry robot. The beauty of a great dog doesn’t lie in its obedience but in its loyalty. Loyalty is a choice. Dogs choose to be dogs and not wolves. That’s what makes them so special.
16. Running full bore across a field in the rain.
17. There are no mysteries. Take cats, for example: Half rat, half badger. Crap in a box. Eat rodents. Where’s the mystery in that? If you look hard enough, you can figure most things out for yourself. The world isn’t as complicated as it sometimes seems.
18. Sometimes, you have to back up your growl with a bite. Go with it. Some people like to test your bark-to-bite ratio. With those “inquisitive” types, a little education goes a long way. As much as it sucks to have to go there, it is sometimes necessary. (It’s what the fangs are for.) Your territory, your space, your safety… They’re worth defending. Make a show of it once, and chances are you’ll never have to teach anyone a lesson again.
19. Being alone is no way to go through life. We’re pack animals. Humans, dogs, same thing. We need others to make all of this worthwhile. As an aside, if we live through others, why not also live for others, even if only a little bit? It isn’t that much of a stretch.
20. When you chase the ball, CHASE the fucking ball. Two reasons: a) It’s a chase. You don’t half-ass a chase. You go all out. It’s what you do. It’s the point. b) You don’t want some other mutt to get to the ball before you and slobber it all up, do you?
21. In the end, you will revisit your adventures, your battles, your chases, your voyages and all the excitement of your life with bemused pride, but it’s the quiet moments with loved ones that your mind will settle on. The comfort of those days when all you did was spend lazy hours with them, your head on their lap, their’s on yours, taking in the afternoon sun and the hundreds of fleeting stories carried like whispers on the breeze, those are the memories that will stay with you to the end and beyond.
Never give up on your thirst for life, on the beauty subtle moments, and on chasing that ball as hard and fast as your legs and heart will carry you.
Godspeed, Sasha.
Sasha (1995 – 2010) R.I.P.
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Shortly after completing today’s post, I read the following. It seemed appropriate to include it today.
When you talk, you are only repeating what you know,
Back on the 22nd October I was in correspondence with Grinia. Here’s a part of an email she sent me that day:
Hi Paul,
Thank you so much. I’m going through your blog in more details to see what would make more sense for me to write about. I will get back to you soon.
What I’m thinking right now is to write about my former dog, Bella, how we had to let her go live with someone else because we loved her and wanted her to be happy. She was not happy with the toddler especially because I couldn’t take her to her long walks anymore- I was expecting another baby and I knew when the new one comes I would have even less time for her. I’ve been wanting to write about that for a while.
No question to my mind; it was Grinia’s story about Bella that attracted me and I was so looking forward to receiving Grinia’s story and sharing it with you.
Grinia did indeed send me her story on the 29th October and I replied saying I would publish it on Monday, 7th November.
But, of course, events rolled over my promise in the sense that it was clear that my mother was close to death and, as you all know, she did die on the 14th.
So here we are on the 23rd, the day before Thanksgiving Day, nearly a month after Grinia sent it, and, at last, it is being published in full.
You will be moved by Grinia’s story.
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Sometimes you have to let them go.
We were just married living in a cozy apartment with an amazing view of the Boston skyline. As many young couples, we had a lot of plans including buying a house and start growing our little family. After talking it through and looking at our budget and free time, we decided that we should get a dog. The dog would be the first ‘thing’ we would have together to love and care for, so it sounded like a great idea.
I grew up among a lot animals, including dogs, cats and chickens, and my husband also had a dog growing up so we knew the amount of care it would require from us. We both had full time jobs and we were living in a rental. Before agreeing with us having a dog, our landlord set up several requirements: small breed, 4 years old+, house trained, cradle trained, and the nails should be kept short to not damage the furniture and wood floor. From our side, we were looking for a dog that would be friendly with kids (as we wanted to have kids soon) and didn’t shed too much, because I have a lot of allergies. Wow, that seemed like a lot of requirements! I didn’t think we would find this ‘perfect’ dog.
We went to several places, but the searching was tough. Every dog I saw I would fall in love with it. I remember there was pit bull called Lovie. I cried when I got home because we couldn’t adopt her. She was so cute and docile; I really didn’t want to leave her behind. My husband was struggling trying to keep me from getting too attached to the dogs we visited, but it was tough, I have a weak heart.
I was almost giving up, I thought that the requirements were too many and it was emotionally draining. Then, one day I was searching online and I found this website for rescued dogs. They had a rat terrier that seemed to meet all the requirements. We went to her foster home for a visit and we both fell in love! What a cute dog! She seemed a bit noisy and had tons of energy despite being 6 years old but it felt like she was ours from the moment we first put our eyes on her.
After filling up all the paperwork and doing the adoption process, we brought Bella home. Her back-story, as told to us, was that she was with her owner for 6 years until they adopted a sick older dog. Bella didn’t get along with the older dog and the family decided to give her away since they thought she would have a better chance to be adopted. I don’t know if I believed in this story, I couldn’t understand how you raise a dog for 6 years and then decide to give it away because you got another one. I should not judge, but I did. I made a promise to Bella that I would never let her go. She was my first daughter.
When Bella just moved in with us, she had a lot of issues. She was scared of any noise and it was very hard to walk her on the streets of Boston, even on the quieter ones. Most of the time, we would have to carry Bella as she would freeze and not move her paws at all. It looked like she was going to have a heart attack – her little body would shake so hard and I didn’t know little hearts could beat so fast. Poor Bella…
After a while, she became more confident and happy to walk on the streets. She was greeting people and even running around. When we moved to our new home in the suburbs, Bella was super happy! Maybe it was because the area was less noisy and the house was much bigger. Bella also loved her new dog walkers! They told me she was the leader and was doing very well with other dogs. Everything was perfect for us and for Bella. She had lots of walk and all of our love and attention. She loved to go on hikes with us, but even a little car ride would do her good.
When I was pregnant with my first child, I think Bella knew something was up. She got extremely attached to me and would follow me everywhere. She also started to get more protective on walks, especially around men. I didn’t make much of it; I thought it was just temporary. The baby came and Bella seemed fine with it. She went through sleepiness nights as she would always check in when the baby was crying, poor Bella was as exhausted as I was.
Bella was very loving and gentle with the baby, but she was still more protective than usual on our walks. The baby started to grow, crawling, and then walking. She wanted to play with Bella, so I had my eyes always on them because J still didn’t know how to be gentle. She wanted to hug and kiss Bella, but Bella wasn’t the cuddling type.
I was pregnant with my second baby and resigned from my job to stay home with the kids for a little while. We couldn’t justify paying for Bella walks anymore with only one income and me staying at home. It was okay for a while, but as the belly grew bigger and the winter came it became very challenging. I wasn’t giving Bella long walks as she was used to. Bella started to become a little bit more anxious and didn’t want my toddler around her. J would try to play with her and even a gentle approach let Bella to nip her a couple of times.
My husband and I tried to work it out. He started to give Bella long walks in the morning and evenings and I made sure to have time to play with her even though I was feeling so tired. One winter afternoon, I was walking Bella with my toddler when J had a tantrum and threw herself on the ground; at the same time Bella was barking and pulling the leash trying to escape to run across the street to fight another dog. I was in panic! After that day I realized that it would be very hard to handle the situation moving forward: in a few weeks I would have another baby at home, I couldn’t leave Bella alone with the toddler, and Bella was barking uncontrollably.
We looked for professional help. The ‘diagnose’ was that Bella was insecure; her behavior was driven by fear. I think Bella had the first child syndrome – she was used to have 100% attention and love and now we could not provide it anymore. After talking to a few professionals, the price to have Bella trained was at least $700 per week and they didn’t guarantee results due to her advanced age. We couldn’t afford that, and couldn’t afford Bella nipping behavior either. She even tried to nip the kid’s neighbor and a stranger on the street while we were walking her – she had never done that before.
It was time to face the truth: we couldn’t keep Bella.
I was so stressed. I couldn’t let my first daughter go, I had made her a promise. I’d failed her.
We started to ask friends if they would like to take Bella, this way we would still be around her and know she was being treated well. It was when one of our friends said he would consider taking her. His response was perfect:
“Bella is a great dog but, as you know, being a dog owner – being a good dog owner – is a lot of work, so this isn’t a decision that I can go into lightly. I will need a little bit of time to think about this and plan/budget what I would need in order to be the type of dog owner that Bella deserves.”
His answer brought tears to my eyes. He was the right person to love and care for our little Bella and I couldn’t wait to hear his final response. After a couple of dog sittings, he said yes. Our little Bella had found a new loving owner. My feelings were mixed, I was so happy that our friend was going to take her, but my heart was in pieces for having to let her go. I loved – I love – Bella so much.
The day Bella moved out my husband and I had tears in our eyes. Our little Bella was gone. We kept telling ourselves it was the best decision for her and for us. We couldn’t give her the love and time she deserved. But I couldn’t stop thinking that it is not an excuse to let your child go, Bella was my first child and I had given her away.
Today, my heart still hurts when I think about it. I miss Bella, I miss arriving home and see her jumping around and grabbing one of her squeaky toys. Sometimes I even miss her barking. However, we believe that we did the best for Bella. Her new dad loves her deeply and gives her all the love and attention she deserves. We see photos and videos of Bella everyday and we went to visit once. I don’t like to go visit much, because I feel every time I leave I am abandoning her again. Looking at her videos and photos warms my heart, as I know she is happy and healthy.
Sometimes, we have to let them go. Letting go someone or something you love isn’t an easy decision and it hurts deep in our heart, but knowing that by letting them go you set them free to be happy and to have the love they need and deserve brings some relief to our soul.
Bella’s new Dad!
ooOOoo
What a wonderful, moving account. No question in my mind that Grinia’s story was well worth waiting for.
Learning from Dogs 