Tag: Humour

Please pass this on….

Really only relevant to our British readers, but I’m sure all will get the idea.

As a rule, I don’t pass along these “add your name” lists that appear in emails,
BUT this one is important.  It has been circulating for months and has been sent to over 20 million people.
We don’t want to lose any names on the list so just hit forward and send it on.

Please keep it going!

To show your support for Gordon Brown please go to the end of the list and add your name.

1.  Mrs Brown.
2.

By Chris Snuggs

Drunken sailors

With thanks to one of our very regular followers, Gordon, for passing this on.

Well said, that sailor!

By Paul Handover

Difficult Choices ….

Our doughty mole has unearthed more secret transcriptions from the Ministry ….

The Ministry

Hello Perkins! Let’s get to it!

Get to what, Sir?

Perkins – there’s a mini-crisis …..

There usually is, Sir …..

We have a stark, difficult choice ahead of us.

Oh, Dear, Sir – not again.

Yes, Perkins. I know that choice is not something we prefer to face, but there it is.

But why has it come to this, Sir?

Cuts, Perkins – The IMF are about to be called in so the PM – I mean the Chancellor – has been forced to make some cuts.

Oh Dear, Sir. But how does this affect us?

Well, you know those consultants that were called in?

You mean those on £100,000 a day plus bonus, Sir?

Yes, that’s them! By Jove don’t you admire this dynamic synergy between public and private, Perkins!!

Well ….

Anyway, after weeks of in-depth research they’ve narrowed it down for us to a clear choice, which certainly saves us some head-banging, I must say.

And this choice is ……?

Well, we either buy more flak jackets for the men on front-line duty in Iraq or we pay the MOD mandarins a bonus.

Oh Dear so – but surely it’s a no-brainer?

What do you mean, Perkins?

Well, we must protect our men, Sir!

Perkins, sometimes I worry about you …….

By Chris Snuggs

Humour is alive and well!

The Toyota Prius recall gets a few laughs.

2010 model Prius

Most of the readers of Learning from Dogs will be aware of the global embarrassment that Toyota is facing as a result of the recall of the Toyota Prius model.  As described partly on the UK website of Toyota:

Toyota have announced a recall on the latest, third-generation Prius built before 27 January 2010. This will involve 8,500 cars in the UK.

To date, there have been no accidents linked to this issue reported in Europe. No other Toyota or Lexus models are affected by this latest recall action in Europe.

Toyota GB would like to apologise to its customers for any concern this issue has caused.

The recall is being taken in response to reports of inconsistent brake feel during slow and steady braking on bumpy or slick road surfaces when the anti-lock braking system (ABS) is actuated.

Well a few days ago, a friend of mine sent me a text message on my cell phone.  It read, “Just driving my new Toyota Prius. Chat later, Can’t stop.”

And I see the Jeremy Clarkson/James May team from BBC’s Top Gear programme are also having a little poke at Toyota.  James May was reported to have said:

‘You have to laugh a bit don’t you,’

‘Maybe if you’re going to try to save the world through your car you have to accept that some sacrifices have to be made and one of them is stopping.’

James May

Crazy flying

This is not your usual air-show display

Author & author's dog in Piper Super Cub, R151

Three of the authors on Learning from Dogs are or have been pilots although only one, Bob Derham, is a real pilot!  I.e. he does it for a living!

Most pilots and many wannabes love the atmosphere of a good air show but after a few visits they can become rather predictable and that applies as much to the flying displays.  After all there is only so much that one can do to an aeroplane.

Not so the good people who comprise the Franklin’s Flying Circus.

Here’s a YouTube video showing Kyle Franklin ‘stealing’ a Piper Cub.  As a past owner of a Piper Super Cub, I have to tell you that the skills being used in this display are supremely clever.

Enjoy!

By Paul Handover

Irish humour

The Irish always see the world a little different to the rest of us!

During a recent PASSWORD AUDIT at the Bank of Ireland it was found that Paddy O’Toole was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyDublin

The Bank’s Customer Relationship Manager contacted Paddy and queried why he was using such a long password.

Paddy replied:

Bejazus! are yez feckin’ stupid? Shore oi was told me password had to be at least eight characters long and include one capital.

Sort of makes sense when you think about it!

By Bob Derham

Bankers’ Bonuses

Scoop information – direct from the Board Room

Given the plethora of comments on banking bonuses recently our intrepid reporter has managed to get access to a bankers’ board meeting to establish exactly how targets and bonuses are planned. His transcript is highly revealing of a complex system tightly geared to the bank’s activities and designed to give maximum incentive to those at the highest level.

So here you have it …..

Board Meeting at FatGreedyBankers, Limited (extremely)

Hello chaps. We’re here to set the targets for this year’s bonuses.

Jolly good, Sir Tosser. What did you have in mind?

Well, if the bank doesn’t actually go bankrupt we all get £1,000,000 quid. This is our baseline. Got to have a baseline ….. Then we get an extra £1,000,000 bonus for every £10 profit we make. What do you think?

I must say these are pretty stiff targets, Sir. As you know, the chances of going bankrupt are very high.

Yes, but then we get bailout money so we don’t have to worry about that.

No Sir. Well, I’m sure we all relish a challenge, don’t we chaps? Let’s go for it!

By Chris Snuggs

Are we as clever as we think?

This has been circulating on the Internet, but you may not have seen it …..

Indian Chief ‘Two Eagles’ was asked by a white U.S.  government official, ‘You have observed the white man for 90 years.  You’ve seen his wars and his technological advances. You’ve seen his progress, and the damage he’s done.’ The  Chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, ‘Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?’

The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied, ‘When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water.  Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex. Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.’

(acknowledgements to David Holmes)

Remarkable people: Tim Smit

The Eden Project in Cornwall, England

To lead the project which took an old clay pit in a remote corner of the UK and converted it into a world class environmental visitor attraction is a tremendous achievement.

Homo sapiens? A game show!

Tim Smit had some fun with the business community at the 2009 Annual Convention of the UK Institute of Directors. Everyone, including he, was in their best business attire, but very few people could get away with crumpled shirt and jeans!

However, he has a serious message about the environment (1:55) and he knows a thing or two about people as well!

Monty Python: is there intelligent life on earth?

For fun, and on an Australian tack, Eric Idle is not so sure.

By John Lewis

Remarkable people: Benjamin Zander

Music is his base

Very few people demonstrate and explain the benefits of responding positively to the world around us as effectively as Benjamin Zander.  The Boston Philharmonic Orchestra is “semi-professional”, which means that it is a volunteer orchestra who play to professional standards. He has conducted the orchestra for 30 years; and his standing as a professional cellist and conductor is without question.

Leadership is his forte

But his contribution as a musician is exceeded by his contribution as a speaker on leadership.

He combines speeches on leadership with his musical performances and has given keynote speeches at the World Economic Forum on at least four occasions.

In the book ,”The Art of Possibility”, which he co-authored with his partner Rosamund Stone Zander, they relate the following moving story.

A New Children’s Story

A little girl in second grade underwent chemotherapy for leukaemia.  When she returned to school, she wore a scarf to hide the fact that she lost all her hair. But some of the children pulled it off, and in their nervousness laughed and made fun of her.  The little girl was mortified and that afternoon begged her mother not to make her go back to school. Her mother tried to encourage her, saying. “The other children will get used to it, and anyway your hair will grow in again soon.”

The next morning, when their teacher walked in to class, all the children were sitting in their seats, some still tittering about the girl who had no hair, while she shrank into her chair.  “Good morning, children, “ the teacher said, smiling warmly in her familiar way of greeting them. She took off her coat and scarf. Her head was completely shaved.

After that, a rash of children begged their parents to let them cut their hair. And when a child came to class with short hair, newly bobbed, all the children laughed merrily – not out of fear – but out of the joy of the game. And everybody’s hair grew back at the same time.

Isn’t that wonderful?

Contrast that with the narrow thinking behind a recent incident at at school in the Australia when a child shaved her head to raise money for a charity in support of her father’s illness. She was barred from the school. The story is described here.

How daft is that? As others have asked, what would they have done if a pupil had lost her hair as a result of chemotherapy?

Sometimes you might wonder whether we live on the same planet!

Take time to watch …

If you are not familiar with Benjamin Zander’s presentation, then this is an uplifting experience. For example, this presentation (of more than an hour) was given at the World Economic Forum 2009 (and never mind the image quality, it is good enough!):

More on remarkable people …

By John Lewis