Friday fondness

A rather personal posting for today.

My dear, sweet wife is struggling with a personal issue that I am not going to share with you dear readers; for obvious reasons. The issue is not to do with our relationship, not at all, but part of the journey of getting a little older day by day.

Yesterday morning, sitting up in bed after breakfast, accompanied by many of our dogs fast asleep around us, Jean had a bit of a weepy session. Today Jean and I are off to see a medical consultant to ascertain the nature of the issue. Not going to say any more than that.

So back to yesterday morning, me reflecting on Jean’s tears, and me musing about what to write for today’s post. There in my email inbox was an item in the latest Big Think newsletter that was perfect. It was called The Science behind Maintaining a Happy Long-Term Relationship and it was by Dr. Helen Fisher, senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute.

Here is how that article by Dr. Fisher opens:

Plenty of people are pessimistic about the state of relationships in society. Dr. Helen Fisher, senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute, isn’t one of them. She sees trends like extended periods of cohabitation before marriage and a persistent fear of divorce not only as interrelated, but also signs of a healthy change in attitude toward love. While marriage was once the start of a long-term relationship, she says, today it’s the finale. And that’s a good way to cope with a brain whose primitive regions are driven intensely toward short-term relationships. Dr. Fisher also explains how to maintain novelty, the fuel of romantic love, and how to be aware of the brain regions that affect satisfaction in a relationship.

Now I don’t have permission to republish the full transcript but I see that the video, that was included in the Big Think article, is on YouTube.

I count myself incredibly lucky to have met Jean back in December, 2007 and that out of that meeting came a loving relationship that is more beautiful than words. Well more beautiful than my words so I will let E. E. Cummings say it how it should be said.

love is more thicker than forget
more thinner than recall
more seldom than a wave is wet
more frequent than to fail
it is most mad and moonly
and less it shall unbe
than all the sea which only
is deeper than the sea
love is less always than to win
less never than alive
less bigger than the least begin
less littler than forgive
it is most sane and sunly
and more it cannot die
than all the sky which only
is higher than the sky
Share this text …?

E.E. Cummings, “[love is more thicker than forget]” from Complete Poems 1904-1962, edited by George J. Firmage. Copyright 1926, 1954, 1991 by the Trustees for the E.E. Cummings Trust. Copyright © 1985 by George James Firmage. Reprinted with the permission of Liveright Publishing Corporation.

Source: Poetry (January 1939). (Taken from here)

That is my love for Jean.

19 thoughts on “Friday fondness

  1. Paul I am sorry to hear Jean is feeling under the weather as we say.. I can relate whole heartedly with being tearful.. And did a post a while back of how I just burst into tears.. Please give her my Love and well wishes..Sending lots of thoughts your way.. Hugs Sue

    1. Sue, and everyone else, we returned from seeing Dr. Lee, the neurologist, a little under two hours ago. Dr. Lee’s prognosis is that Jean is showing the very early signs of Parkinson’s disease, and Jean is comfortable with me mentioning this.

      Everyone’s love and affection has meant more than you can imagine. I will write more about this next week once we have given the situation a few ‘coatings of thought’.

      Jean sends her love to you all!

      1. Sue, you and everyone else have been so kind to us. There are so many others who are dealing with medical issues that are much more challenging. We will make the best of this thanks to that loving kindness. Big hugs from us both.

  2. Sending lots of love and lightness to you and Jean. This must be such a vulnerable and scary place to be. You are so lucky to have the love you have for each other and to be able support each other right now.
    Dogs help so much when we face things that are out of our control.
    Take it one day at a time. It’s a learning from our dogs after all 💛

  3. ee cummings was my favorite poet through much of my young life. My husband is 20 years my junior, and we’ve been married over 20 years. That he demonstrates the compassion and loving concern that he does with my aging self is testament to our deep connection. We are lucky, Paul, all of us. Lucky and blessed and growing with each and every encounter. ❤

    1. Oh Bela, here I am sitting up in bed at the end of the day and very deeply touched by what you have written. Jean’s late husband, Ben, who died in 2005, was some 33 years older than Jean and they were married in 1976. Another example of a very deep connection. Our fond wishes go out to you both.

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