Back on the 2nd October, 2010 Chris Snuggs wrote a post for Learning from Dogs. It has consistently been the most popular and most frequently-read post ever since. Just seemed nice to republish it today. Thanks Chris.
Cats and Dogs
Peek into a dog’s diary …
8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm- Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Milkbones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Peek into a cat’s diary …
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. All though I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe, for now……….
Cats in Physics
1 – Law of Cat Inertia: A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force – such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
2 – Law of Cat Motion: A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
3 – Law of Cat Magnetism: All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
4 – Law of Cat Thermodynamics: Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
5 – Law of Cat Stretching: A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
6 – Law of Cat Sleeping: All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.
7 – Law of Cat Elongation: A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
8 – Law of Cat Acceleration: A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
9 – Law of Dinner Table Attendance: Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
10 – Law of Rug Configuration: No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
11 – Law of Obedience Resistance: A cat’s resistance varies in proportion to a human’s desire for her to do something.
12 – First Law of Energy Conservation: Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
13 – Second Law of Energy Conservation: Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
14 – Law of Refrigerator Observation: If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
15 – Law of Electric Blanket Attraction: Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
16 – Law of Random Comfort Seeking: A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
17 – Law of Bag / Box Occupancy: All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
18 – Law of Cat Embarrassment: A cat’s irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
19 – Law of Milk Consumption: A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
20 – Law of Furniture Replacement: A cat’s desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
21 – Law of Cat Landing: A cat will always land in the softest place possible.
22 – Law of Fluid Displacement: A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
23 – Law of Cat Disinterest: A cat’s interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
24 – Law of Pill Rejection: Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
25 – Law of Cat Composition: A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn’t Matter.
26 – Law of cat reading: Cats pretend to be really short sighted and evince the need to read a newspaper by lying on it while you are attempting to read it.
27 – Law of cat antipathy: Any cat will immediately sense a person who doesn’t like cats and go and sit on their lap.
28 – Law of cat confinement: A cat will always have its kittens in the warmest possible place, usually in your bed while you are sleeping.
29 – Law of Sleeping: A cat sleeps every day for 24 hours minus the time it takes to wheedle food out of you and eat it ..
By Chris Snuggs
4 thoughts on “A re-run of a very popular post.”
I found this on the internet several years ago. Unfortunately, I did not make a note of the author – assuming it was even given as it swam around the ether. Therefore, I was unable to thank them for their originality and generosity in passing this on.
The fact that it is so popular also goes to show how cleverly and appropriately it hightlights the differing and fascinating natures of the cats and dogs we love!
I was rather hoping you would call by and comment; being the conveyer of the piece.