Year: 2016

To all you dear Americans.

Please listen up to the following important announcement.

To the citizens of the United States of America

from

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for
President of the USA, and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North
Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Our new Prime Minister, Theresa May, will appoint a Governor for
America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be
circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:
——————-
1. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour,’
‘favour,’ ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’

Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the
letters, and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’

Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable
levels. (look up ‘vocabulary’).
——————–
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
such as ‘like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form
of communication.

There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf.

The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the
reinstated letter ‘u” and the elimination of ‘-ize.’
——————-
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
—————-
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
lawyers, or therapists.

The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that
you’re not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for
shooting grouse.

If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a
therapist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
more dangerous than a vegetable peeler.

(Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable
peeler in public.)
———————-
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
start driving on the left side with immediate effect.

At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without
the benefit of conversion tables.

Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British
sense of humour.
——————–
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon.

Get used to it.
——————-
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French
fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling
potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut,
fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

——————-

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not
actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be
referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted
provenance will be referred to as Lager.

South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the
greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer.
They are also part of the British Commonwealth – see what it did for
them.
——————
American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so
that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to
play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English
dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to
having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater. (This is incorrect
however, as she played an American)
——————
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind
of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough
will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities
to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every
twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of
nancies).
———————
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played
outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world
beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn
cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the
sting out of their deliveries.
——————–
13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.
—————–
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
monies due (backdated to 1776).
—————
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with
saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and
cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

Marbles, by Anne Schroeder

Introducing Anne Schroeder – a local Oregon author.

This week presents a number of interesting challenges.

The first is that while I am getting along reasonably well with the draft of my second book, Four Dogs On My Bed, I am still about 3,000 words (as of yesterday) behind where I wanted to be on November 7th. (There’s NaNoWriMo pressing in against me!)

The second challenge is that tomorrow is a special day. No, I’m not referring to the circus that has come to town, to everybody’s towns, but to my birthday. It is my birthday on the 8th and I’m trying hard to stay away from my computer.

The third and final challenge is that there are too many things going on for the balance of the week, even without me needing to keep my writing nose to the grindstone, for me to properly put together the blog posts otherwise required.

But then along comes Anne Schroeder. I met Anne when I joined our local authors group, AIM, and, like all the other members of AIM, Anne was supportive and helpful towards me.

A week ago, Anne emailed me a short story that was perfect for all you dear readers.

That story is in three parts and I shall be continuing with Part Two and Part Three on Wednesday and Thursday. (I have something else for the 8th!)

Before the story, here is an introduction to Anne.

Anne Schroeder writes memoir and historical fiction set in the West. She has won awards for her short stories published in print and on-line markets. She was 2015 President of Women Writing the West and lives with her husband and new Lab puppy in Southern Oregon where they explore old ruins and out-of-the-way places. Her new release, Maria Ines, is a novel about an Indian girl who grows up under Padre Junipero’s cross and endures life under the Spanish, Mexican and Yanqui conquest of California. http://www.anneschroederauthor.com

Here, then, is Part One of Anne’s tale.

ooOOoo

MY SEASON FOR MARBLES

I have a confession: Dogs and I have never gotten along. Well, okay, there was Happy, our black, floppy-eared Cocker Spaniel who died in front of me, under the wheel of my father’s truck when I was seven. After that, it seemed easier not to get attached.

On our sheep farm, dogs ate table scraps and slept under the tank house. We had a pair of Australian Shepherds, trained by Basque herders in their native language that guarded the flock at night against coyotes and neighbors pets. We weren’t allowed to distract the Aussies from their work.

My attitude regarding dogs could be described as cautious regard. I carry memories of being chased onto a John Deere tractor by a snarling stray. I have vivid memories of my uncle’s Doberman sinking its fangs into my calf because I was swinging hands with my cousin, a six-year-old like myself, as we walked up her driveway after school. I can still see that dog, loping toward us in slow-motion, slobber spraying off his jowls, his eyes keenly fixed on the enemy—which was me. All I could do was drop my little cousin’s hand, stand still, and hope that the dog would be merciful. No such luck.

I learned later that he was a watchdog, trained to protect his family. My aunt and uncle worked at a mental hospital and had received death threats from patients who escaped on a fairly regular basis.

Even when it was not my fault, I managed to annoy dogs. When I was seven my grandmother’s hound nipped me in the fleshy part of my palm as I dumped dinner into his bowl. My scream of pain was mostly indignant fury, but the memory scarred my soul. Another time a cousin’s cattle dog crawled out from under the porch where her new litter was sleeping. No bite this time; she just snarled with bared teeth until I hopped back on my bicycle and rode home. It was probably a bluff on her part, but I didn’t wait around to find out.

Eventually, dogs and fear became synonymous.

ooOOoo

Whoa! Where does it go from here? I do hope that you will return on Wednesday to find out! (That’s assuming that we all survive tomorrow’s circus!)

Picture Parade One Hundred and Seventy-One

More stylish examples of being dog tired!

(Again, reminding readers of this wonderful parting gift from neighbours Larry and Janell who recently moved to South Dakota.)

oooo

Forget what’s going on around us this week. These pictures tell us what is really important!

Breathtaking!

No other words required.

And there’s another special moment regarding the moon coming up in a week’s time! (You’ll have to be patient for I’m not saying anything more just now!)

Selective hearing!

Dogs very quickly learn the system!

We have two dogs that are delightfully obedient, but with an over-rider; they choose whether to be responsive to the ‘requests’ from Jean and me.

Those two dogs are Oliver and Brandy.

Oliver sleeping in front of the wood-stove yesterday morning. (February 18th, 2015.)

Jean and Brandy at our local yard sale last weekend. (June 29th, 2016)

It’s so easy to see each of them listening to a request from us and deciding whether or not to oblige us at that moment.

So when I came across a recent article over on the Care2 website about dogs deciding what are or are not valuable instructions from their human carers it really struck a chord with me. Read it below and I bet many of you will know exactly what I mean.

ooOOoo

Dogs Are Smart Enough to Know When to Ignore Useless Directions

By: Elise Morea October 29, 2016

About Elise Follow Elise at @elisem0reau

Dogs are pretty smart, but they’re still pretty clueless enough that we’re able have a good laugh at their reactions to certain things every so often. Whether it’s confusion over a ball that was never thrown or fear of a strange looking photograph sitting on the fireplace mantel, dog brains definitely see and understand the world in a way that can be pretty amusing to us.

According to recent research from Yale University’s Canine Cognition Center, it turns out that dogs can learn to pick up on the uselessness of their owners’ orders or directions so that they can disregard them altogether. In fact, they’re even less likely to follow them than children.

Researchers gathered 40 dogs of different breeds and examined their behavior in some problem solving experiments to see whether they could differentiate between helpful and useless directions. A treat was placed inside of a clear puzzle box with a red lid that the dogs had to open to get their reward.

The dogs were shown how to solve the puzzle box, which had a lever attached to it that could be pushed. Although the lever step was shown in the demonstration, it was actually completely unnecessary and didn’t serve any purpose at all to help open the box. The dogs really only needed to lift the lid to get to their treat.

The researchers left the room while the dogs worked on the puzzle to make sure they would actually try to solve it on their own rather than just follow orders from people. All of the dogs spent several rounds trying to figure out the puzzle to get to their treat, eventually figuring out that they didn’t need to do anything with the lever after all and that all they needed to do was lift the lid. By the end, the dogs were completely ignoring the lever.

The results suggest that dogs learn on an individual level as opposed to humans who imitate each other when trying to learn. The study was inspired by a previous study that involved observing children as they solved puzzles.

Unlike the dogs, the children didn’t stop to think about how the puzzle might be solved differently and more effectively from what was demonstrated, instead repeating what they were shown to do again and again. Even when the children raced to finish solving the puzzle, they still repeated all the unnecessary steps.

Researchers described the children’s problem solving as ”overimitation,” which may be a unique aspect of how humans learn. Dogs and humans are both very social, but dogs are clearly independent problem solvers while children are natural copycats. Children seem to find it instinctive to limit problem solving because they have so much to learn.

Regardless of whether you have a dog, children, or both, these findings give us the opportunity to notice and appreciate their unique learning styles. From a very young age, children will often start mimicking their parents behaviors whether it serves them as an independent human being or not, offering parents all the more reason to be extra conscious of their own behaviors.

Your dog, of course, might just figure out your trickery after falling for a few fake throws of his favorite toy or ball. Now you know that he’s his own kind of canine problem-solving genius!

ooOOoo

I think I need to be a bit more careful what I discuss in front of our dogs!

Our funniest, best friends.

Couldn’t postpone this for you!

Yesterday was another one of those days where everything seemed to be squeezing in on me. Not in a negative fashion just stuff that had to be done; and that before I even got to the book!

So when I sat down mid-afternoon to think about today’s post, trying to ignore the beautiful day it was here in Merlin, Oregon and how I really wanted to take a bike ride, I wasn’t particularly creative of thought; to say the least! 😉

Thus when I saw the email from Cynthia Scobey that included a link to the following video I would have hugged her had she been in the same room!

Settle back for ten minutes and forget about the funny old world we seem to be living in just now!

(Not so much this funny old world but more about this funny old fart who is the author of this blog. For when I was screening this post to Jeannie yesterday evening she quickly pointed out that we had seen this before. Indeed, we had. Back on the 19th October! Sorry folks!)

Our wonderful, gorgeous, loving, care-free dogs!

Thank you, Cynthia!

Behavioral issues in dogs

The most frequent strange and unwanted behavior in dogs

Delighted to offer all you good people a guest post for today. It came about as a result of an email sent to me by Alex. This is what that email said; in part:

I am writing to you on behalf of Premier Pups, one of the main partners of Doctorpup.com. We have read your materials and we found them very interesting for dog lovers.

We have made a complex and detailed article based on Dr. Gary Rybka’s knowledge and experience (from Doctorpup.com – one of the most reputable veterinarians from Ohio) and we consider that our article will bring new information for your audience. The topic of the article is related to the most frequent strange or undesirable behaviors of dogs and their main causes. In addition, Doctor Rybka offers solutions for a great part of these behaviors.

Alex

Now there’s always a balance in my mind between expert information that should be shared with you good people and any guest article not coming over as a ‘soft sell’. Clearly, Doctorpup.com is a commercial operation but their website does clearly state their Vision:

At doctorpup we welcome your questions. Our articles and videos provide a foundation for your questions and each question gives us the opportunity to provide answers specific to your pet and situation. You can present your questions through the doctorpup Forum Q & A, the live interactive chat or through our personal and emergency phone consultation options. You can upgrade your membership at anytime to allow more opportunity to benefit you and your puppy.

So this was accepted by me because of the useful information it offers but at the same time I must tell you that a) I receive no benefit, financial or otherwise, from the publication of this guest post, and b) I can offer no warranties about the accuracy or validity of the information the guest article contains. Hope that doesn’t come across as too negative; it’s not intended to so do.

ooOOoo

The most frequent strange and unwanted behavior in dogs

Undesirable or strange behaviors exhibited by dogs during puppyhood and adolescence are known as pediatric behavior problems and it is important to address them as early as possible with behavioral modification methods. There are also adult dogs that display strange behavior, but their acceptance depend on the effects.

According to DoctorPup.com, one of the most important cause of behavioral problems is the living in urban areas where the level of exercise and play is limited.

We have made a list of the most frequent behavioral problems of dogs and potential solutions for them:

How to stop destructive chewing?

Dog destructive chewing consisting in chewing and damaging the furniture or household stuff can be caused by a poor nutrition or inadequate food provisions, presence of mice or other small animals in the walls or flooring, spilled food on carpet or furniture or uninteresting toys. It is recommended to give your dog various toys and look for his interests, to hide forbidden objects or to close the doors and interrupt this unwanted behavior with a loud “no”.

Dogs playing or fighting?

Play biting or play fighting can become unpleasant due to your dog’s teeth that are sharp and can cause you injuries. The behavior can be generated by teasing and rough play, long confinement periods or excited greetings. It is recommended to exercise your pup, use appropriate toys to distract him, avoid games that encourage the behavior, socialize it properly and ignore the unwanted behavior such as barking, whining or pawing for attention.

Training dogs not to bite

Biting everything in his way can also become a serious problem. There has to be a consequence to be remembered by your dog, for example, talk loud and say “no” and then pretend your dog doesn’t exist, look at him with a menacing stare and use a few words with the same tone. Your dog has to know you don’t like him anymore. You can also put him in another room or use a leash to restrain him where he can see you but cannot interact with you.

Dog jumping on people

Jumping on people and placing paws on visitors or family members is caused by excitement or by an acute need for attention. It is helpful to teach your pup to sit on command, avoid games and play that encourage it to jump, and use a loud and sharp voice when it jumps.

Why do dogs chase their tails

Dogs that are chasing their tails are likely to have a discomfort in that area. It may seem a funny behavior and it can be caused by an excess of energy. But, if you notice that the behavior is displayed constantly, check the tail to see if you find any crusts, scaly or sensitive areas. The tail contains many nerve endings. If you find any suspicious areas, you should scrub them gently with antibacterial shampoo or soap, dry it and use an antibiotic. Tail chasing and biting can also be caused by flea allergy dermatitis or overfilled anal glands or it can be a sign of obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Why does my dog lick me?

If you notice your dog licks you, it may be due to his affection or his need to getting your attention. Licking is also a sensory tool for dogs, similar to reaching out and touching something. Another explanation consists in the fact the canine mothers lick their puppies for grooming and social reasons and this behavior continues into adulthood.

How to get a dog stop barking when I leave the room/house

If your dog begins to bark immediately after you leave the room, he may suffer from separation anxiety. It is recommended to tell it to sit and give him praise before leaving the house. If he stays, give him a treat or a favorite toy with praise. Try this method until you can leave the house and your dog remains there without making a sound. It is possible to take a few weeks, but it is worth. Your dog will be better at emotional self-control. It is also possible that your dog become overexcited and pee when he meets or greets you or someone else or to begin barking excessively when you arrive home. This is because he is very happy to see you or the person he greets and it is his way to show his love.

Dogs love to chase their food and roll on

This behavior is caused by the fact that your dog considers the food is a prey and he wants to ensure it is dead before eating. You can give him a command to take his food to his bowl in order to understand you do not tolerate this behavior.

Why do dogs tilt their heads

If your pup tilts his head, it is possible that he wants to make sense of what he hears, to identify the location of a sound or to find if he’ll get something fun or rewarding.

Coprophagy in dogs

An unpleasant habit of some puppies consists in eating poop also called coprophagy and the phenomenon can appear because your dog is hungry, likes the smell and taste, is missing certain nutrients from his diet or simply thinks it is fun.

Why Do Dogs Howl?

Another pups get used to howl as an instinctive or rewarding behavior while others hump on other dogs, on people’ legs in their search for seeking attention or excitement, without sexual reasons.

Why does my dog stare at me?

If you notice that your dog is staring at you he probably expects to receive a treat or to show him praise and affection. Dogs generally consider direct eye contact threatening, so ensure it is not a sign of fear or aggression.

Why do dogs walk in circles before lying down?

There are moments when your dog walks in circles before lying down as an inherited ritual from the wolf-like dogs that used to spot to pat down the leaves or grass to make a nesting spot.

Why do dogs sniff each other’s butts?

Another unusual habit of your pup consists in sniffing other dogs’ butts as a sign to greet them or in trashing his toys that they consider as a killing action due to his primal instincts.

Did you notice that your dog hate other dogs?

It is probably because he wasn’t well socialized in puppyhood or he didn’t have positive experiences with other dogs during this period.

Got an aggressive puppy?

If your pup shows signs of aggression it is possible to notice that the aggression disappear when you take it out of his comfort zone. That’s why, exposing him to a wide range of experiences could help teach him to adapt to the rules you want. It is also important to not tolerate his aggression.

Some behavioral issues are due to inadequate supervision, control, training, exercise and or general environment. Your response has to be immediate, consistent and result in some sacrifice for your puppy if you want to repair his behavior.

Short Bio:

Alex is the Director of Communications for Premier Pups, a purebred & designer dog breeder that offers the best selection in Texas of certified pure bred and mixed breed designer puppies. Alex has a Master degree in Communication from Michigan State University and loves so much his dog he rescued from a shelter a few years ago.

ooOOoo

Hope you found this of interest. As for me, it was just another reminder that we are never too old to learn something new. As in the word “coprophagy” that I hadn’t come across before.

To which I would close by saying that your feedback as to the value of such guest articles would be most welcome.

For Dollar and all the other lost dogs.

A beautiful amendment to this blog!

Last Thursday, I published a post under the name of Affairs Of The Heart.

There was a reply from Asha:

My mom still cries for my pet GSD we lost 15 years ago to illness. There are no words to describe that loss.

I asked Asha what was the name of that dearly loved German Shepherd. She replied that it had been called Dollar. That then gave me an idea.

Thanks. Indeed, it just crossed my mind that there could be a page on this blog where readers leave the names and a few words of past loved dogs. Would that work for you?

Asha replied, “Oh wow! That so melted my heart.”

So I have just finished setting up a page Keep Their Memories Alive. You will see it listed on the sidebar next under the link for Try The Book For Free.

When you click on the link under the heading Keep Their Memories Alive you will go here:

We Shall Not Forget Them.

For millions, the relationship between a person and their dog is precious beyond words. Do you still grieve the loss of your wonderful dog? Let us all know what your dog meant to you. Write whatever you want. Leave it as a thought to this page.

I am hoping that Asha will be first to leave a message for Dollar. I am hoping that many of you will leave a message so that all of us will not forget the love we have received from our departed furry friends.

Thank you Dollar!

NB: I may have overlooked whether or not comments can be attached to a page under WordPress. If not, I will come up with a fix very soon. In the meantime, leave your thoughts as a response to this post.

Picture Parade One Hundred and Seventy

Dogs do tiredness in style

(Wonderful parting gift from neighbours Larry and Janell who recently moved to South Dakota)

oooo

Aren’t they too perfect for words!

I am going to be sharing these with you for the next three Sundays.

Being saved by a dog!

A serendipitous find!

Yesterday, I published a post under the title of Forecasting Wonderful ‘Blu’ Days!

There was an exchange of thoughts between me and Susan Leighton, who is the author of the blog Woman On the Ledge:

(In part:)

Susan: Dogs can be such a comfort when life becomes overwhelming.

Me: For nobody can escape those moments when life becomes overwhelming. A loving partner is precious beyond words at those times, but there’s still something comforting beyond that love when it comes to our dogs.

Susan: Very true, Paul. A dog has saved me many times!

Later on yesterday, when I was looking for something for today’s post, I came across this video:

Published on Jan 5, 2015

Hantu the White German Shepherd Plays Surrogate Mum to Poncho the Opossum at the Rare Species Fund, South Carolina, USA.
Poncho the opossum was found clinging to his mother’s back after she had been hit by an oncoming vehicle, a common hazard for nocturnal animals. Under veterinary supervision, Poncho was brought to the Rare Species Fund in South Carolina where he has nursed to health. Opossums are the only New World marsupials and, in the wild, spend the first several months of their lives clinging to their mother’s backs. Having had no puppies of her own, Hantu seems a more than willing foster mum and mode of transportation for Poncho. Robert Johnson of the Rare Species Fund says, “They are both playing important roles in each other’s lives. When Hantu goes for her daily walks through the woods, she won’t leave the house until Poncho is securely mounted on her back.”
http://www.RareSpeciesFund.com
http://www.MyrtleBeachSafari.com

Just thought that was a lovely reminder of the unconditional love offered by our dogs; for humans and for other creatures!

Share this:

MY SEASON FOR MARBLES

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Dogs Are Smart Enough to Know When to Ignore Useless Directions

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: