Category: Writing

Letting them go!

A beautiful guest post for today

Back on the 22nd October I was in correspondence with Grinia. Here’s a part of an email she sent me that day:

Hi Paul,
Thank you so much. I’m going through your blog in more details to see what would make more sense for me to write about. I will get back to you soon.

Have you seen this post in my blog? https://mirrorsoul.org/2016/10/12/blu-skies-rescue-dogs/

What I’m thinking right now is to write about my former dog, Bella, how we had to let her go live with someone else because we loved her and wanted her to be happy. She was not happy with the toddler especially because I couldn’t take her to her long walks anymore- I was expecting another baby and I knew when the new one comes I would have even less time for her. I’ve been wanting to write about that for a while.

No question to my mind; it was Grinia’s story about Bella that attracted me and I was so looking forward to receiving Grinia’s story and sharing it with you.

Grinia did indeed send me her story on the 29th October and I replied saying I would publish it on Monday, 7th November.

But, of course, events rolled over my promise in the sense that it was clear that my mother was close to death and, as you all know, she did die on the 14th.

So here we are on the 23rd, the day before Thanksgiving Day, nearly a month after Grinia sent it, and, at last, it is being published in full.

You will be moved by Grinia’s story.

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Sometimes you have to let them go.

We were just married living in a cozy apartment with an amazing view of the Boston skyline. As many young couples, we had a lot of plans including buying a house and start growing our little family. After talking it through and looking at our budget and free time, we decided that we should get a dog. The dog would be the first ‘thing’ we would have together to love and care for, so it sounded like a great idea.

I grew up among a lot animals, including dogs, cats and chickens, and my husband also had a dog growing up so we knew the amount of care it would require from us. We both had full time jobs and we were living in a rental. Before agreeing with us having a dog, our landlord set up several requirements: small breed, 4 years old+, house trained, cradle trained, and the nails should be kept short to not damage the furniture and wood floor. From our side, we were looking for a dog that would be friendly with kids (as we wanted to have kids soon) and didn’t shed too much, because I have a lot of allergies. Wow, that seemed like a lot of requirements! I didn’t think we would find this ‘perfect’ dog.

We went to several places, but the searching was tough. Every dog I saw I would fall in love with it. I remember there was pit bull called Lovie. I cried when I got home because we couldn’t adopt her. She was so cute and docile; I really didn’t want to leave her behind. My husband was struggling trying to keep me from getting too attached to the dogs we visited, but it was tough, I have a weak heart. 

I was almost giving up, I thought that the requirements were too many and it was emotionally draining. Then, one day I was searching online and I found this website for rescued dogs. They had a rat terrier that seemed to meet all the requirements. We went to her foster home for a visit and we both fell in love! What a cute dog! She seemed a bit noisy and had tons of energy despite being 6 years old but it felt like she was ours from the moment we first put our eyes on her.

After filling up all the paperwork and doing the adoption process, we brought Bella home. Her back-story, as told to us, was that she was with her owner for 6 years until they adopted a sick older dog. Bella didn’t get along with the older dog and the family decided to give her away since they thought she would have a better chance to be adopted. I don’t know if I believed in this story, I couldn’t understand how you raise a dog for 6 years and then decide to give it away because you got another one. I should not judge, but I did. I made a promise to Bella that I would never let her go. She was my first daughter.

When Bella just moved in with us, she had a lot of issues. She was scared of any noise and it was very hard to walk her on the streets of Boston, even on the quieter ones. Most of the time, we would have to carry Bella as she would freeze and not move her paws at all. It looked like she was going to have a heart attack – her little body would shake so hard and I didn’t know little hearts could beat so fast. Poor Bella…

After a while, she became more confident and happy to walk on the streets. She was greeting people and even running around. When we moved to our new home in the suburbs, Bella was super happy! Maybe it was because the area was less noisy and the house was much bigger. Bella also loved her new dog walkers! They told me she was the leader and was doing very well with other dogs. Everything was perfect for us and for Bella. She had lots of walk and all of our love and attention. She loved to go on hikes with us, but even a little car ride would do her good.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I think Bella knew something was up. She got extremely attached to me and would follow me everywhere. She also started to get more protective on walks, especially around men. I didn’t make much of it; I thought it was just temporary. The baby came and Bella seemed fine with it. She went through sleepiness nights as she would always check in when the baby was crying, poor Bella was as exhausted as I was.

Bella was very loving and gentle with the baby, but she was still more protective than usual on our walks. The baby started to grow, crawling, and then walking. She wanted to play with Bella, so I had my eyes always on them because J still didn’t know how to be gentle. She wanted to hug and kiss Bella, but Bella wasn’t the cuddling type.

I was pregnant with my second baby and resigned from my job to stay home with the kids for a little while. We couldn’t justify paying for Bella walks anymore with only one income and me staying at home. It was okay for a while, but as the belly grew bigger and the winter came it became very challenging. I wasn’t giving Bella long walks as she was used to. Bella started to become a little bit more anxious and didn’t want my toddler around her. J would try to play with her and even a gentle approach let Bella to nip her a couple of times.

My husband and I tried to work it out. He started to give Bella long walks in the morning and evenings and I made sure to have time to play with her even though I was feeling so tired. One winter afternoon, I was walking Bella with my toddler when J had a tantrum and threw herself on the ground; at the same time Bella was barking and pulling the leash trying to escape to run across the street to fight another dog. I was in panic! After that day I realized that it would be very hard to handle the situation moving forward: in a few weeks I would have another baby at home, I couldn’t leave Bella alone with the toddler, and Bella was barking uncontrollably.

We looked for professional help. The ‘diagnose’ was that Bella was insecure; her behavior was driven by fear. I think Bella had the first child syndrome – she was used to have 100% attention and love and now we could not provide it anymore. After talking to a few professionals, the price to have Bella trained was at least $700 per week and they didn’t guarantee results due to her advanced age. We couldn’t afford that, and couldn’t afford Bella nipping behavior either. She even tried to nip the kid’s neighbor and a stranger on the street while we were walking her – she had never done that before.

It was time to face the truth: we couldn’t keep Bella.

I was so stressed. I couldn’t let my first daughter go, I had made her a promise. I’d failed her.

We started to ask friends if they would like to take Bella, this way we would still be around her and know she was being treated well. It was when one of our friends said he would consider taking her. His response was perfect:

“Bella is a great dog but, as you know, being a dog owner – being a good dog owner – is a lot of work, so this isn’t a decision that I can go into lightly. I will need a little bit of time to think about this and plan/budget what I would need in order to be the type of dog owner that Bella deserves.”

His answer brought tears to my eyes. He was the right person to love and care for our little Bella and I couldn’t wait to hear his final response. After a couple of dog sittings, he said yes. Our little Bella had found a new loving owner. My feelings were mixed, I was so happy that our friend was going to take her, but my heart was in pieces for having to let her go. I loved – I love – Bella so much.

The day Bella moved out my husband and I had tears in our eyes. Our little Bella was gone. We kept telling ourselves it was the best decision for her and for us. We couldn’t give her the love and time she deserved. But I couldn’t stop thinking that it is not an excuse to let your child go, Bella was my first child and I had given her away.

Today, my heart still hurts when I think about it. I miss Bella, I miss arriving home and see her jumping around and grabbing one of her squeaky toys. Sometimes I even miss her barking. However, we believe that we did the best for Bella. Her new dad loves her deeply and gives her all the love and attention she deserves. We see photos and videos of Bella everyday and we went to visit once. I don’t like to go visit much, because I feel every time I leave I am abandoning her again. Looking at her videos and photos warms my heart, as I know she is happy and healthy.

Sometimes, we have to let them go. Letting go someone or something you love isn’t an easy decision and it hurts deep in our heart, but knowing that by letting them go you set them free to be happy and to have the love they need and deserve brings some relief to our soul.

Bella’s new Dad!

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What a wonderful, moving account. No question in my mind that Grinia’s story was well worth waiting for.

Golly, there are some great persons out there!

What a wonderful sequel to yesterday’s post!

I am always amazed at how things turn out. Call it serendipity or what!

Because, as much as I love publishing a daily post in this place, not infrequently I think what on earth am I going to find to write about; or republish!

As it was yesterday morning. Not only did I have a heap of things to do around the house but also other ‘office’ work that had to come first.

Then in my email in-box there was another story from Care2. It made a perfect follow-on to yesterday’s post about how rescued dogs go on to become rescue dogs.

Enjoy! (And many thanks Miss Serendipity!)

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Hero on Motorbike Delivers Food to Street Dogs and Cats

By: Laura S. November 20, 2016

About Laura

Murat Şahin climbs onto his dusty motorbike and holds his breath as he turns the key, hoping the engine will start. His trip is important because he’s going to feed more than 100 dogs in the forest of Aydos in Istanbul, Turkey. Dozens of cats living along the rocky coastal walls are waiting for him too.

Watch Murat Feed the Animals

Murat’s mission is important to him, it’s a spiritual calling in fact, and he is deeply devoted to serving the hungry animals as you will see in the uplifting video below.

Murat does take some animals to the veterinarian for spay/neuter, but it isn’t always feasible. Some of the animals are wild, and without a car, he can’t bring a trap or transport them easily. He also doesn’t have the funds to do sponsor spay/neuter on a wide scale on his own.

“Murat has never asked for any help,” fellow volunteer Anna Efe explains. “He has always used his own money and collected food at a restaurant and a local canteen. Also, some butchers were giving him leftovers free of charge. But this year the situation has changed. The butchers stopped giving leftovers for free and, on top of that, Murat’s old motorbike was stolen. It was his only way to deliver food to the forest dogs.”

Though Murat did manage to find a very low-priced bike to replace the stolen one, the replacement bike frequently breaks down. In fact, it broke down immediately after the filming of the video on this page.

Better Days Ahead

The Harmony Fund charity, based in the U.S., is working on a surprise for Murat. The group is attempting to raise funds to purchase a reliable, used car for Murat’s rescue work and would be shared by Murat and his fellow volunteers working together as an authorized rescue team in Turkey. The car would have several advantages over the bike including carrying larger quantities of food, transporting animals to the veterinarian and safer transportation during bad weather.

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If anyone reading this post can find it in their hearts to make a donation, then this link on the Harmony Fund website is the place to go. You can specifically nominate that your gift goes to Murat out in Turkey. (And Jean and I have made a modest donation to Harmony to be passed to Murat.)

A celebration of a life.

My mother was a remarkable woman.

Back in North-West London (Preston Road, Wembley) my two sisters, Elizabeth and Eleanor, are today hosting a party to celebrate my mother’s life. Many family members and friends will be at the house.

My contribution was to record a eulogy that I will broadcast to everyone using a ‘FaceTime’ link between here and Alex’s tablet that he will have with him at the party.

I wanted to share that eulogy with all you good people.

Flick!

Just like that!

How is it that I am sitting at a computer keyboard writing these words in this my seventy-second year of my life!

Where did it all go?

What did I learn?

But this is what I do know.

That it is only as we get into our ‘senior’ years that we can start to put our lives into some form of perspective.

When I look back at my life I can see many things that, in hindsight, I didn’t handle all that well. Yet that same backward gaze also reveals many things that I would never have changed.

That is the person that I am.

Or to put it in a more introspective way, that is the person that I was brought up to be. For each and every one of us rises to adulthood wearing a rather colourful psychological overcoat. Our life’s journey hopefully offers us the opportunity to undo our overcoat from time to time and take note of the shape and style of our underclothes.

That is the true legacy of my father, of my step-father and, most importantly, of my mother.

I was very privileged to have them as my guardians and parents.

Mum and Jeannie – photo taken 31st July, 2014 here in Oregon.

What a Moon!

This is a night to be outside! (And that includes you, Susan L.)

It has been receiving quite a lot of publicity in recent days. I’m speaking of the “Supermoon”.

Or in the opening words of a recent Smithsonian Magazine article:

The Biggest Supermoon in 68 Years Will Leave You “Moonstruck”

It hasn’t been this close since 1948 and won’t be again for the next 18 years

(Adrian Scottow via Flickr)

In terms of when this is happening then I will draw on Mother Nature Network:

According to NASA, the full moon that rises on Nov. 13 will be the closest one to Earth since 1948. If viewing conditions are clear, the moon will not only appear 30 percent brighter, but also 14 percent larger. While the nighttime viewing is supposed to be spectacular, the true closest approach of the supermoon will take place on the morning of Nov. 14 at 8:52 a.m. EST.

Just how special is this super supermoon? Humanity won’t get another show like this one until Nov. 25, 2034.

Or as the EarthSky blogsite puts it:

The moon turns precisely full on November 14, 2016 at 1352 UTC. This full moon instant will happen in the morning hours before sunrise November 14 in western North America and on many Pacific islands, east of the International Date Line.

For those of us on Pacific time that equates to 0852 PST.

So the balance of today’s post will comprise the republication, with permission, of a recent essay on The Conversation blogsite.

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Supermoons are big and bright, but not as rare as the hype would suggest.

November 8, 2016

By Christopher Palma

Senior Lecturer and Associate Department Head for Undergraduate Programs in Astronomy & Astrophysics, Pennsylvania State University.

As an observational astronomer who teaches students about the behavior of the moon, I’m thankful for anything that inspires people to go out and look at the sky. For me it’s second nature to pay attention to the moon; when my son was born, I would take him out at night to observe with me, and one of his very first words was “moon.”

But I have mixed feelings about what’s being billed as the upcoming “super-supermoon.” Many astronomers do not like using the term because reports overhype the factors that make certain full moons unusual. Most of what you’ve likely read has probably misled you about what you can expect to see on Nov. 14 and just how rare this event is. Beautiful, yes. Worth looking up for, definitely. Once in a lifetime… that’s a bit overblown.

The moon’s phases as it revolves around the Earth. Orion 8, CC BY-SA

The moon’s cyclical phases

Just about everyone is familiar with the moon’s changing appearance as it goes through its phases from crescent, to half-illuminated (first quarter), to gibbous, to full, and then back through gibbous, to half-illuminated (third quarter), to crescent, to new.

This pattern occurs because the moon orbits the Earth. When the moon is between the Earth and sun, it’s a new moon, and you don’t see it that day. When the moon is on the opposite side of the Earth from the sun we get a full moon as the sun’s light illuminates almost its entire face. The complete sequence of phases takes about the same amount of time as it does for the moon to orbit the Earth once – just about a month.

As the moon makes its monthly trip around our planet, it travels on an elliptical, not circular, path. Every object in the solar system orbits like this, including the Earth around the sun; over the course of the year, the Earth is sometimes closer to the sun and sometimes more distant. Same for the moon – sometimes it’s closer to us and sometimes farther away.

The changes are proportionally not large; at “perigee” (the closest it gets to the Earth) the moon’s approximately 10 percent closer to the Earth than at “apogee” (most distant point on its orbit). Over the year, the moon’s distance from Earth varies from around 222,000 to 253,000 miles.

The moon’s orbit is elliptical and changes over time. Rfassbind

The time it takes the moon to go from perigee to perigee (about 27.3 days) is shorter than the time it takes to go through a complete set of phases (about 29.5 days). Because these timescales are different, the phase at which perigee occurs varies. Sometimes perigee occurs when the moon is full, but it is just as likely for perigee to occur when the moon is in the first quarter phase, or any other. Whichever phase the moon is in when it’s at perigee will be the one that looks largest to us here on Earth for that month.

At perigee, the moon can appear 14 percent larger and 30 percent brighter than an apogee full moon. But this is complicated by the fact that our eyes play tricks on us and convince us the moon looks larger when it is near the horizon than when it is higher in the sky. Every full moon will look big and bright whether it happens at perigee or apogee.

So what’s a supermoon?

The first time I heard the phrase “supermoon” was in 2011, and someone had to explain the suddenly in vogue term to me. People were using it to describe the full moon that happened to occur within an hour of perigee in March of that year. The moon’s perigee distance also varies a bit, and March 2011 was the moon’s closest perigee of that year.

A 2013 supermoon as seen from Ireland. John Finn, CC BY-NC-ND

This was a somewhat rare event – a full moon occurring not just at perigee, but at the closest perigee of the year. But many people got the impression that this was an exceedingly unusual event, and rushed to see and capture images of this supposedly ultra-rare moon. Depending on how closely you require the full moon to occur to perigee in order to call it a supermoon, though, these events happen at least roughly once a year, and often more frequently.

Which brings us to this month’s much ballyhooed “super-supermoon.” News stories are hyping the upcoming full moon as a once-in-a-lifetime viewing opportunity. It’s true that the Nov. 14 full moon is the closest since 1948, and the next time the full moon will be closer is in 2034.

But this month’s full moon is only 0.02 percent closer – a mere 41 miles! – than the March 2011 supermoon. These tiny distances make no noticeable difference in the moon’s appearance.

Get out there and enjoy this supermoon! AP Photo/Charlie Riedel

Please do go out and observe the November full moon. If you are good with photography, try to document that the moon does appear larger than the other months this year. Just be aware you’ll have other virtually equivalent opportunities to do so pretty much every year for the rest of your life. So don’t worry if you miss it. You can catch the supermoon next time around.

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Fingers crossed our local weather will enable Jean and me to view this moon and I will try and photograph it.

If any readers also get to see this moon do let us know your thoughts and feelings.

Dogs and holidays

What are the options for taking a vacation with your pet dog.

Regular visitors to this place will recall that exactly one month ago I published a guest post from Paige Johnson. It was called Divorcing One’s Vet and was well-received. I am delighted, therefore, to present the second guest post from Paige.

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Rover-Friendly Vacations: What are Your Options?

The love Westerners have for their pets is known across the globe. We dress them, take them everywhere, feed them special foods, and refer to them as our kids. When considering a vacation, it can be difficult to contemplate leaving your fur baby at home or, even worse, trapped in a boarding kennel. The stress of worrying about your pet easily can cut into the relaxation a vacation will offer. Fortunately, there are several options for the doting pet parent. Here are a few ways you can handle vacationing and being a good parent to your pets.

Take Them Along

Pet-friendly vacations may be a little more restrictive than vacationing without your furry family member. However, if you are a pet owner who cannot bear the thought of being separated from your pet while on vacation, it may be worth the extra effort to plan a trip to a pet-friendly city like Austin. Traveling within the U.S. is easiest and cheapest for pet parents, particularly if the destination is within driving distance. Although, if you want to travel abroad, it is possible to take your pets with you.

To travel internationally with a pet, you must thoroughly check the country’s guidelines for bringing domesticated animals across the borders. Typically, you will need recent proof of vaccinations along with a pet passport. While certifiably healthy animals can sometimes pass borders unimpeded, many countries will require a quarantine period of 24 hours to several months. It is important to plan well and far in advance for international pet travel. Keep in mind that this option is bound to be more expensive than leaving your pet behind while you vacation.

Find a Pet Boarder or Sitter

A freelance pet walker, sitter, or boarder is far more preferable than boarding your pet in a kennel. Dog sitters give you the option of leaving your pet in the comfort of your own home with personalized attention, or dog boarders give you the option of leaving your pet in their home and ensuring they receive 24-hour care.

Research a Quality Kennel

Basic kennels will sequester your pet in their own small space with little interaction from caretakers or other pets. On the other hand, a quality kennel will be well-staffed, friendly, and ensure that your pet spends more time playing with other dogs than alone in a kennel. While a sitter is preferable, a good kennel certainly is an option, especially if they are centered around social interaction and quality care. Online reviews can be a helpful way to research a suitable boarding facility. It’s important to note that good boarders often will charge a little more than a sitter.

When your child is a dog or a cat, vacationing can become a more difficult and stressful activity than you originally thought. The guilt of leaving a pet at home can impede your ability to enjoy your vacation, particularly if you have to leave him in a kennel. Fortunately, there are better options to put your mind at ease. Whether you decide to plan a pet-friendly vacation or get a freelance pet sitter, you can rest assured that a relaxing, guilt-free vacation is in your future.

Image via Pixabay by msandersmusic

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An informative guest post from Paige. Mind you, when one has nine dogs at home I’m not sure realistically just what the options are!

Marbles, Part Three

Concluding the wonderful story written by Anne Schroeder.

Part One of MY SEASON FOR MARBLES was posted last Monday.

Part Two was yesterday and finished, thus:

Buck’s tendency to work the neighborhood was his ultimate undoing. Eventually the druggie roommate of a neighbor poisoned him for repeated raids on his dog’s feeding dish. By then he was scarred, limping from a difference of opinion with a moving car, had his ear chewed from a fight. He was a seasoned scrapper with a heart of gold. Of all the dogs we owned, he lived life on his own terms.

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MY SEASON FOR MARBLES

Part Three

One day my son and his dad brought home a new pup–a nine-week old, female Boxer that we named Marbles for her brindle coloring. She had a perfect circle of white around one eye and an ear that perked up when she was surprised. Steve wanted to name her Stymie.

Something I never expected happened. I experienced a resurgence of mother love. I found myself sitting in the sunshine, playing toss-the-stick. I held Marbles while I watched TV. I loved the feel of her sleek hair, the way she formed a question in her eyes. I was patient with her, like I am with a child. I gave her credit for her embarrassment when she piddled on the kitchen tile when we were gone too many hours. I watched her dig in the creek bank and was sure she would never try digging in the yard. She never did. She was surprisingly mellow for a Boxer. She never barked, never whined, never jumped on furniture or tore up pillows when we were gone.

Marbles accompanied us to the mailbox, to the creek, to the canyons. The flurry of a quail made her stop and listen, one ear cocked. Everything was a first for her, and our walks took the meandering pace of a walk with an eighteen-month-old. She was curious about dandelions. On our walks I rejoiced for the way she refocused my appreciation of life.

Marbles was only with us for six years before she died of a malignant tumor that Boxers are infamous for having. I helped Steve bury her on a ridge above our house, in the canyon she loved to walk.

*****

I ask myself what changed with Marbles? Was it me, or something broader? I think it’s a question of timing. For some reason, men bring home puppies while women are busy with babies. Maybe it’s an attempt to capture the bond that mother and baby share. Maybe the man feels left out. Whatever the reason, a puppy has to be raised, trained, groomed and cleaned up after. So does a child. For most women, a puppy is like having twins, or another pregnancy too soon after the first.

Getting labeled as a dog hater is a double-edged sword. Life becomes an “oops, don’t let Mom find out” thing that undermines everyone. When something happens, warnings about pet responsibility come out sounding like a “gottcha.” I grew up with unquestioned values that a dog was a farm animal with responsibilities. A dog earned its keep in the same way a child did. No one questioned that a child could gather eggs, but, suddenly I’m a meany for suggesting that a dog be useful? I’m too old and too stubborn to make the change, and I find myself filled with resentment that society requires it of me.

But I learned to keep my head low and duck the bullets. I don’t offer my opinion around friends, every one of whom seems to have at least one dog. One friend has fourteen dogs and cats. We meet at cafes or on the porch. They try to forgive me my stance on buying a purebred puppy as opposed to adopting from the shelter. We have agreed to disagree, like conflicting religious views. But I know I’m in the minority. In my defense I should mention that cats crawl onto my lap. I like to pet them. They like me. But that doesn’t get me any dog points.

So now it’s time to look for a new puppy. Steve’s getting antsy, I can read the signs. He’s happier with a dog at his side and I like him to be happy. I try not to think about the stress I feel every time we check out a new puppy litter—three in the past two months. I try not to feel relief when we leave without making a selection. He’s not in a hurry; he wants a love connection, and he’ll know her when he sees her.

At long last I am trying to discard my self-image of a dog meany. I even question the term “pet owner.” Who can own another creature’s heart? This time around I am going to earn a dog’s devotion. Like a first-time mother, self-conscious and unskilled, I secretly practiced with Marbles, and she seemed to think I did all right. This time we will all share in the job of puppy parenthood. It’s not fair for me to have to clean dog snot off the French doors while someone else is tossing the Frisbee. But I’ll still take my walks alone. I tried it both ways, and I realized that my quiet time was not negotiable—mornings belonged to me. In the evenings, I share my walk with the family—and that includes the dog.

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What a fabulous ending to a really charming story!

I have no doubt that many of you would like more information about Anne.

So do drop into Anne Schroeder’s Author Blog or visit her website here.

Marbles, Part Two

Continuing the wonderful story written by Anne Schroeder.

Part One of MY SEASON FOR MARBLES was posted last Monday.

It ended, “Eventually, dogs and fear became synonymous.”

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MY SEASON FOR MARBLES

Part Two

My husband’s experiences were quite the opposite. He sees dogs as best friends, deserving of carpet privileges and store-bought dog food. He communicates on a level that I can’t begin to fathom. He is a petter of strays while I hunker behind him, phobic and repelled.

The first time he introduced me to his beloved Pug, Rastus, it greeted me with a doleful glare, lifted its leg and sent a yellow stream down my bare leg and into my new penny loafers. I was holding Steve’s hand that day and Rastus knew he was about to be replaced. I’m afraid I took it personally. Rastus was never my best friend—although I barely had a chance to know him. He died of a heart attack three months after we married—victim of an innocuous medical term that I am convinced meant a broken heart. For years I carried a secret suspicion that I had killed Rastus by diverting his master’s attention. For every morning and evening of Rastus’s life, Steve had walked him, tossed balls, showered him with attention and love.

Then we married and moved into a student duplex that didn’t allow pets, and Rastus stayed behind. Newlywed bliss was too great a temptation; like Puff the Magic Dragon, Jackie Paper came no more.

Steve’s inconsolable grief didn’t ease my conscience. We lived dog-less for the next five years. Coincidentally or not, this period was filled with more travel, adventure and spontaneity than the sum of the years that followed. Finally, we bought our first home and Steve began planning for another dog. Soon after I became pregnant we drove to a kennel to pick out a light-colored, female Golden Retriever puppy.

Saree arrived at the onset of my morning sickness. Through the winter she slept in a little wooden kennel box in the kitchen. Because Steve was working a nighttime shift that put him in bed at 3:00 a.m., it became my job to clean the dog mess, to feed and water and exercise her in the mornings before I got myself and my daughter off to school and work. The memory of those months remains: bracing myself for assorted puppy odors in the closed kitchen while munching on a saltine cracker. Some mornings the cracker wasn’t enough.

I will forever associate the smell of dog with nausea; aversion therapy gone haywire. Some women never eat bananas again after morning sickness. Some never touch liver or bacon—but I could live without these. For some reason, with me it’s not puppy smell, it’s grownup doggie body odor. Go figure!

It’s not like I’m a Dog Nazi. I babysit my kids’ dogs when they take vacations. I’m not an ogre—I try not to make dogs my “issue.” I even smile and buy dog toys to have on hand for visitors.

Saree was Steve’s dog, a replacement for Rastus, a buddy to keep him company during a hectic period of our lives when we worked crossover schedules and didn’t see much of each other. I raised our daughters, Steve raised Saree. Sometimes I wanted to scream at him for his priorities. If memory serves, sometimes I did.

Saree lived for fourteen years and accompanied us on three moves. As she became older she became prone to diabetic seizures. In the era before serious pet pharmaceuticals, doggie chiropractic and plastic surgery, the vet’s best advice was to add a bit of sugar in her drinking water. Our four-year-old son used to follow his daddy around and try to copy everything Daddy did. One evening, while his dad was at work he noticed Saree trembling. Half an hour later I found the empty sugar bag and Saree limp and trembling on the patio.

An emergency call to the vet, a bottle of Ipecac, frantic calls to Steve at work—all in vain. In the end, Saree waited for Steve to return from work to die with her head in his lap.

Steve mourned while I carried Saree’s body to the SPCA for cremation, provided comfort, assuaged our son’s guilt, cleaned remnants of an aging, house-bound dog from my home—and felt a secret elation at Steve’s decision not to replace Saree right away.

Buck came to us three months later, the victim of a friend’s divorce. The friend was moving from a ranch into an apartment and Buck would be miserable. Steve and he had become great friends because Steve drove by the ranch everyday and would stop and pet him. He claimed he was invested in Buck, but the truth was, he was head over heels in love—enough even to excuse Buck for being a male, after he had vowed never to have anything that peed on a tire. But fate had chosen them for each other.

Buck was a ten-month-old, a chewer of Olympic talent with a rare eye for beauty. My prized, white-wool throw rug was his first trophy. What he didn’t manage to chew up he destroyed with his thick, wagging tail. (To say he was a happy dog was to underestimate his enthusiasm.) My personality was not as playful. He was thrust on me while our house was listed for sale and I found myself picking up after a four-year-old and his canine equivalent. Every time the phone rang and a realtor wanted to bring clients by, I would go into meltdown.

I remember going to the movies about this time and glaring at the screen while my husband screamed with laughter. I sat through “Turner and Hootch” with arms folded, while my blood pressure threatened to blow out my eardrums. I didn’t know it was a comedy until I saw it on TV last year. Bad period in my life.

In Buck’s defense, either his chewing subsided as he matured or he had already destroyed everything I loved. But it was hard not to view him as a spoiler. I argued that he needed to be neutered, but Steve valued his spirit. He reminded me that it was his dog. He lived with us for ten years, uncomplaining, unfailingly happy to see us, matured by an unrequited love for the Golden Retriever who came into heat every six months in an unassailable enclosure up the road.

Buck’s tendency to work the neighborhood was his ultimate undoing. Eventually the druggie roommate of a neighbor poisoned him for repeated raids on his dog’s feeding dish. By then he was scarred, limping from a difference of opinion with a moving car, had his ear chewed from a fight. He was a seasoned scrapper with a heart of gold. Of all the dogs we owned, he lived life on his own terms.

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The third and final installment will be tomorrow.

I vote for peace!

My contribution to this day.

(I saw this posted over on Val Boyko’s blogsite the other day and thought how apt it was. It is republished with Val’s kind permission.)

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World Peace is Within You

Posted on November 4, 2016 by Val Boyko

I find these words so inspiring from Chade-Meng Tan

“Like many others wiser than me, I believe that world peace can and must be created from the inside out.

If we can find a way for everybody to develop peace and happiness within themselves, their inner peace and happiness will naturally manifest into compassion.

And if we create a world where most people are happy, at peace and compassionate, we can create the foundation for world peace….

Fortunately, a methodology for doing that already exists and has already been practiced by various peoples for thousands of years.

It is the art of contemplative practices to develop the mind. Most of us know this as meditation.”

~ Chade-Meng Tan

It begins with each and every one of us.

Now more than ever, find the connection to the peace and stillness within you.

Consciously step away from the external chaos of the world and the media.

It only takes a moment to pause and take a few deep breaths.

Allow your awareness to move into the center of your being, just below your heart.

Notice the rise and fall of the breath.

Ask yourself “What is alive in me right now?” and “Can I be with this?”

Sit with this for a while and allow what you are experiencing to be felt in your heart.

You have the answer to world peace within you.

Namaste

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Just perfect for this day and for all days!

Go and give your dog a long and loving hug!

Marbles, by Anne Schroeder

Introducing Anne Schroeder – a local Oregon author.

This week presents a number of interesting challenges.

The first is that while I am getting along reasonably well with the draft of my second book, Four Dogs On My Bed, I am still about 3,000 words (as of yesterday) behind where I wanted to be on November 7th. (There’s NaNoWriMo pressing in against me!)

The second challenge is that tomorrow is a special day. No, I’m not referring to the circus that has come to town, to everybody’s towns, but to my birthday. It is my birthday on the 8th and I’m trying hard to stay away from my computer.

The third and final challenge is that there are too many things going on for the balance of the week, even without me needing to keep my writing nose to the grindstone, for me to properly put together the blog posts otherwise required.

But then along comes Anne Schroeder. I met Anne when I joined our local authors group, AIM, and, like all the other members of AIM, Anne was supportive and helpful towards me.

A week ago, Anne emailed me a short story that was perfect for all you dear readers.

That story is in three parts and I shall be continuing with Part Two and Part Three on Wednesday and Thursday. (I have something else for the 8th!)

Before the story, here is an introduction to Anne.

Anne Schroeder writes memoir and historical fiction set in the West. She has won awards for her short stories published in print and on-line markets. She was 2015 President of Women Writing the West and lives with her husband and new Lab puppy in Southern Oregon where they explore old ruins and out-of-the-way places. Her new release, Maria Ines, is a novel about an Indian girl who grows up under Padre Junipero’s cross and endures life under the Spanish, Mexican and Yanqui conquest of California. http://www.anneschroederauthor.com

Here, then, is Part One of Anne’s tale.

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MY SEASON FOR MARBLES

I have a confession: Dogs and I have never gotten along. Well, okay, there was Happy, our black, floppy-eared Cocker Spaniel who died in front of me, under the wheel of my father’s truck when I was seven. After that, it seemed easier not to get attached.

On our sheep farm, dogs ate table scraps and slept under the tank house. We had a pair of Australian Shepherds, trained by Basque herders in their native language that guarded the flock at night against coyotes and neighbors pets. We weren’t allowed to distract the Aussies from their work.

My attitude regarding dogs could be described as cautious regard. I carry memories of being chased onto a John Deere tractor by a snarling stray. I have vivid memories of my uncle’s Doberman sinking its fangs into my calf because I was swinging hands with my cousin, a six-year-old like myself, as we walked up her driveway after school. I can still see that dog, loping toward us in slow-motion, slobber spraying off his jowls, his eyes keenly fixed on the enemy—which was me. All I could do was drop my little cousin’s hand, stand still, and hope that the dog would be merciful. No such luck.

I learned later that he was a watchdog, trained to protect his family. My aunt and uncle worked at a mental hospital and had received death threats from patients who escaped on a fairly regular basis.

Even when it was not my fault, I managed to annoy dogs. When I was seven my grandmother’s hound nipped me in the fleshy part of my palm as I dumped dinner into his bowl. My scream of pain was mostly indignant fury, but the memory scarred my soul. Another time a cousin’s cattle dog crawled out from under the porch where her new litter was sleeping. No bite this time; she just snarled with bared teeth until I hopped back on my bicycle and rode home. It was probably a bluff on her part, but I didn’t wait around to find out.

Eventually, dogs and fear became synonymous.

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Whoa! Where does it go from here? I do hope that you will return on Wednesday to find out! (That’s assuming that we all survive tomorrow’s circus!)

Selective hearing!

Dogs very quickly learn the system!

We have two dogs that are delightfully obedient, but with an over-rider; they choose whether to be responsive to the ‘requests’ from Jean and me.

Those two dogs are Oliver and Brandy.

Oliver sleeping in front of the wood-stove yesterday morning. (February 18th, 2015.)

Jean and Brandy at our local yard sale last weekend. (June 29th, 2016)

It’s so easy to see each of them listening to a request from us and deciding whether or not to oblige us at that moment.

So when I came across a recent article over on the Care2 website about dogs deciding what are or are not valuable instructions from their human carers it really struck a chord with me. Read it below and I bet many of you will know exactly what I mean.

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Dogs Are Smart Enough to Know When to Ignore Useless Directions

By: Elise Morea October 29, 2016

About Elise Follow Elise at @elisem0reau

Dogs are pretty smart, but they’re still pretty clueless enough that we’re able have a good laugh at their reactions to certain things every so often. Whether it’s confusion over a ball that was never thrown or fear of a strange looking photograph sitting on the fireplace mantel, dog brains definitely see and understand the world in a way that can be pretty amusing to us.

According to recent research from Yale University’s Canine Cognition Center, it turns out that dogs can learn to pick up on the uselessness of their owners’ orders or directions so that they can disregard them altogether. In fact, they’re even less likely to follow them than children.

Researchers gathered 40 dogs of different breeds and examined their behavior in some problem solving experiments to see whether they could differentiate between helpful and useless directions. A treat was placed inside of a clear puzzle box with a red lid that the dogs had to open to get their reward.

The dogs were shown how to solve the puzzle box, which had a lever attached to it that could be pushed. Although the lever step was shown in the demonstration, it was actually completely unnecessary and didn’t serve any purpose at all to help open the box. The dogs really only needed to lift the lid to get to their treat.

The researchers left the room while the dogs worked on the puzzle to make sure they would actually try to solve it on their own rather than just follow orders from people. All of the dogs spent several rounds trying to figure out the puzzle to get to their treat, eventually figuring out that they didn’t need to do anything with the lever after all and that all they needed to do was lift the lid. By the end, the dogs were completely ignoring the lever.

The results suggest that dogs learn on an individual level as opposed to humans who imitate each other when trying to learn. The study was inspired by a previous study that involved observing children as they solved puzzles.

Unlike the dogs, the children didn’t stop to think about how the puzzle might be solved differently and more effectively from what was demonstrated, instead repeating what they were shown to do again and again. Even when the children raced to finish solving the puzzle, they still repeated all the unnecessary steps.

Researchers described the children’s problem solving as ”overimitation,” which may be a unique aspect of how humans learn. Dogs and humans are both very social, but dogs are clearly independent problem solvers while children are natural copycats. Children seem to find it instinctive to limit problem solving because they have so much to learn.

Regardless of whether you have a dog, children, or both, these findings give us the opportunity to notice and appreciate their unique learning styles. From a very young age, children will often start mimicking their parents behaviors whether it serves them as an independent human being or not, offering parents all the more reason to be extra conscious of their own behaviors.

Your dog, of course, might just figure out your trickery after falling for a few fake throws of his favorite toy or ball. Now you know that he’s his own kind of canine problem-solving genius!

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I think I need to be a bit more careful what I discuss in front of our dogs!

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MY SEASON FOR MARBLES

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MY SEASON FOR MARBLES

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World Peace is Within You

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MY SEASON FOR MARBLES

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Dogs Are Smart Enough to Know When to Ignore Useless Directions

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