“The trouble with Socialism is that you eventually run out of someone else’s money.”
The Human Species is unique in many aspects, but outstandingly so in the art of irony. Take Socialists, for example.
Now these are extremely caring people; they love their fellows so much that they want to do everything possible to make them comfortable and happy. It’s so wonderful; one is so admiring, inspired even at this outpouring of fellow-feeling.
In pursuit of their noble aim, socialists therefore spend vast amounts of money on all kinds of services to make people’s lives happy.
It’s true that they don’t always ASK people what they WANT in order to be happy, but that’s because they are very clever people who know what is best for other people.
And so mushrooms a whole myriad of agencies and quangoes for this or that disability; this or that special needs group.
There is free this, free that, handouts, subsidies, initiatives, pledges (Gordon Brown’s speciality). It is all so uplifting, and of course FREE!! What could be more wonderful?
Of course, it all has to be paid for. Now this phrase “of course” is very interesting. It means that being paid for is bleedin’ obvious to the writer and to anyone else with the slightest understanding of economics, including my old Gran.
Funnily enough, however, it is not quite so obvious to socialists, who – rather sadly – seem to believe that money grows on trees. This phrase is a bit hackneyed, but I can’t think of a more fitting one.
So where DOES the money come from, since it does not actually – to the surprise of many socialists – grow on trees? Well, it comes from those who MAKE money! What a surprise. And of course, that is an inexhaustible fount which can be milked till the cows come home (or perhaps after they come home!) Hence the expression “milch cow”. Yes, those nasty capitalists can be milked for all they are worth.
The problem is, the socialists are so busy milking the cow that they forget to feed it and so the poor beast eventually collapses. And in any case, while we might all concur in our abhorrence of capitalists (I assume that few true-blooded capitalists wander through these pages) we must not forget that not every little business where the owner is flogging his guts out to make a minuscule profit under the burden of humungous bureaucracy and taxation is a “capitalist”.
It is at this point that the irony steps in. When the camel (or cow) collapses, those who suffer most and worst from the inevitable socialist economic meltdown of inflation and debt are the weakest and poorest of society, since they have no savings, no reserves, no strength, skill and/or energy to circumvent the economic shambles created by the all-caring socialists.
This means of course that the latter end up causing the ones they want to help most to suffer the most, and if that isn’t ironical I don’t know what is.
Of course (sorry) we must not forget that not all “socialists” are looney, though the latter are definitely in the majority. There are pockets of intelligent socialists dotted around the globe, but it is jolly difficult to winkle them out. I believe there are some in Sweden. Funnily enough, the further south you go the more looney socialists seem to become.
Perhaps it’s the heat? The other funny thing is that, supposing we WERE to find some intelligent socialists beavering away in Sweden you would think that the looney ones would – just possibly – think of copying them so as to eat away at the majority Socialist lunacy prevailing elsewhere.
But no, it just doesn’t seem to happen. Socialist lunacy is stubbornly nation specific; we are unable to learn from best practice elsewhere. (There’s another irony, of course. Homo Sapiens is undeniably clever yet often utterly stupid.)
And of course (there I go again) socialism is a bit like a virus; it can take over a whole area or class. Like in Scotland, for example, where people consistently vote “socialist” because the Labour Party poured massive subsidies, feather-bedding and government jobs into the economy so that no civil servant, subsidised Scot would dream of voting to bite the hand that feeds it. Thus we have a substantial enclave of lunatic “socialism” in Scotland that thinks to ring-fence itself from the evil capitalist world outside.
What they don’t realize is that while their enclave may be superficially cosy it is still part of the same ship and if the ship goes down they’ll go with it, subsidised Labour cannon-fodder though they may be.
The destruction of the British economy has happened twice in my lifetime and each time by caring socialists. You’d think people would have learned by now to avoid “socialism” like the plague, yet there is a substantial lumpenmass that would vote Labour if the candidate were a cow with a rosette on it.
You’d think that any poor person would say to themselves: “Christ; here come those potty socialists again trying to save us. Quick – pretend we’re not in” (bit like the Jehovah’s witnesses – another extremely nice but sadly rather potty group of people.)
Of course (!!) a lot of the above is bleedin’ obvious, so much so that “New Labour” studiously avoided any use of the word “socialism” at all during its 13 year destruction of Britain.
But we all knew they were just pretending to be “Noo” ….. I mean “Omo” was hardly any different from “New, Improved Omo”, was it?
What the socialists (closet or otherwise) are of course waiting for is for someone as superficially clever as Peter Mandelscum to invent a new soundbite. “Noo Socialism”, perhaps? Is that clever enough?
This would aim to convince people that the party was really different (hence the “noo” bit) while retaining its original purity. (Socialists love having their cake and eating it ..)
The final irony, of course (I must stop saying that) is that many of the socialists in the completely discredited, shambolic and still in denial “Old Noo Labour Party” (how quickly does new become old!) believe it all failed ONLY because they weren’t “socialist” enough!
It would all have worked if only they had had complete control rather than just pussy-footing about trying to create socialism within a “capitalist” society. These are people who seem never to have studied the history of the USSR, North Korea, Cuba and other “socialist” paradises.
Which brings me finally to old Noo Labour’s most famous (and fatuous) soundbite, “Education, education, education”. Yes, we want lots of it, primarily to educate socialists into the real world. Now that would be progress.
In the meantime, I am painting a sign for my garden gate: “Warning, my giant mastiff eats socialists, even if they are disguised as something Noo”. I hope that will keep the loonies away …..
PS I used to be a “socialist” myself! I am a bit ashamed of this, but it is time I outed myself …… Unfortunately, I now no longer know what I really am since the party that would cater for my particular needs does not yet seem to exist. I, too, would like all people to be happy, fit and rich (and – why not – beautiful as well) but I don’t want to bankrupt them while I do it. Anyone any ideas?
By Chris Snuggs
Learning from Dogs 