Despite his trials at the ministry Perkins has been promoted!! Now he’s PA to the Chancellor, Gordon Brown. It’s now a few weeks before Budget day in 2005 …

“Perkins – the old red box looks a bit battered.”

“Well, it is 150 years old, Sir. It’s a sort of quaint British tradition.”

“Perhaps, but it’s not up to my modern, dynamic, ‘look to the future’ image. Please arrange to get some new ones made.”

“‘Some’, Sir? It’s only used once a year for a couple of hours.”

“Even so Perkins. We need a couple of spares and I must look the part. Besides, it’s a good opportunity to renew all the boxes used by other ministers. We should get a discount for quantity ….. Is there a problem?”

“Well Sir, the boxes are specially made, with lead and stuff so that if you are at sea and someone tries to get it you can chuck it overboard and it’ll sink.”

“Oh really Perkins! When am I going to be at sea with my budget?”

“No comment, Sir …”

“But we must move with the times, Perkins. What will this all cost?”

“About £400 a box, Sir – and about £60,000 to renew the lot!”

“Well there you go. A bargain.”

“But £60,000, Sir. We are already billions in debt!!

“Exactly. Compared to our existing debt £60,000 is a microscopic fleabite. See to it at once Perkins.”

“Of course, Sir. But are you sure? I could get you something reasonable from Woolies for £25.”

“Woolies, Perkins? What would people think?”

“Well, they might think you were trying to be frugal, Sir!”

Frugal? Frugal? What exactly is that, Perkins? Never come across it before.

“Quite, Sir.”

By Chris Snuggs